Hai Johanna (=

hahahah got this feeling :-P

Brunch overlooking the beautiful beach, the poolside, some bikini chicks, and lovely company. Pizza, pastitso, fried rice, pandan coconut. 140. WIINN!!

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Back in KL, I remember a million thoughts flashed through my mind. One that took major attention was "I don't like how life is so uncertain." I don't like the idea that we never know what's up ahead for us. We may have a plan, but things don't usually fall into place and work out exactly as planned. I didn't like the idea that I don't know what's in for me in the future, who I'm going to meet, how I'm going to look, where I'm going to live, what life I'm going to live, how's it going to be like with my friends etc. Change is the constant thing that never changes. However, the only reassuring notion that makes this whole block of confusion is that God is always there for us, every step of the way. Amidst this, I like to think that no matter how helpless things may seem, there's always a way out, or things will work out as meticulously planned, if you try your best and fulfill your part. No matter how weird or how bad it'd feel at the moment, it's still worth living and embracing because that's part of God's plan. So thank God that at least, that's one thing I'm definitely certain of.

Uncertainties kill man. I'm so dead serious haha. Sometimes it feels like I'm the candle stick, and the flame's just eating me up alive, bit by bit. Okay, not that gory maybe. But it gets frustrated and annoying that now that I'm turning 18, I have to make decisions on my own. Decide on how I choose to live life, draw a plan, choose the best routes. "Decisions on life" gawd, who on earth would know what choices to make? Who ever knows what's up ahead in the future, what's gonna happen in the end. I don't like to want to decide on these major decisions. I suppose it's a bit too much for me to handle, esp last week during exam, so I've decided to take time off and properly think it through. How easy was it when the decisions you had to make was deciding which colour you prefer, what food you like. Lol, those were the days.

Now, whatever I do, I have to decide. Be it going to the council retreat in Dec, going home during breaks to deciding what course to pursue after A-Levels. There's always pros and cons with every option, sometimes the emotions become the tie-breaker, but there's always the "logic" end which doesn't support considering emotions in decisions. So yeah, it's hard. So sometimes I wish there'd be a "Bible" of life. There'd be a straightforward rule that says "Oh, yeah, Council retreat is a MUST." or "You must not spend on fat foods." etc. That'd be absurd, but hey, imaginations work to reassure unresolved conflicts. :D

I LOVE watching movies! When you see someone screwing up something, some lines tend to pop up conveying the same message.
"Hey, life isn't meant to be perfect. Life's meant to be f*cked up." 
"Hey, you screw shit, you learn, you move on." 
"You were young, you didn't know what you were doing, you were meant to make mistakes. Then you go off track, but hey, that was one hell of a life."

:)

I watched 10 Years and it was pretty interesting. Got me put on the thinking cap about life. I love having deep thoughts you know! It gets me farsighted and hopeful with dreams of how awesome life is going to turn out. :D I like how I could relate to the people in the movie, being a college student leaving home. I like how they caught up so easily, even tho 'life' happened. =)

I watched Dear John after. I enjoyed the book sooo much. I loved it! It's one of my favourite romantic novels because it is so realistic. (I have a feeling I've posted on this many times, but I don't know if I have :/, but just bear with me :D hehe) How it's possible to love to people at the same time. I remember the ending best where John parked his truck a distance away from Savannah's house where she's having a happy family meal, only to see Savannah coming out, sitting on the front porch, gazing up to the moon :-) awwww, win win win!!!

I don't know what the lil things mean. I don't know how much hope should I place. I don't know how much effort to put. I don't know what to think. I don't know how. 

(see what i mean? eff uncertainties. or should i eff not? *sighs*) 

but still, thanks for everything. :-)