a blog post dedicated to God almighty

This is so long overdue!!! Gosh been tryin' to post this instanteously last night, but was worn out, and decided to do it this morning - but overslept, and this afternoon - but took a long nap, then after nap - but was replying texts, trying to get things done, then post shower, but dinner came home and caught up with dar, then post dinner - but was replying texts again. This post is so undeserving of all this madness, so sorry.

Anywho, home has been lovely, it was very heartwarming, a remedy to my 'worn-out' soul. Having such long weeks before, I felt so rewarded with the idea of home at the other side of the rainbow. Felt so fortunate and blessed that I was going home after such long weeks. And little did i know, i only began to really learn the true meaning of a long week. Though journey to the airport wasn't sweet, and especially when it takes a toll on me when I make mistakes, I told myself to get over it no matter how hard it took, as time at home was precious as ever.

Boarded the night flight, I figured I wouldn't sleep though the week's been relatively taxing. And I selected the window seat so that I could catch the plane taking off. But little did I know, i dozed off before anything else, and the second consciousness hit me, was when we were already high up in the air. How unpleasant must I have looked with my head constantly hanging whilst going loose on the snooze, LOL. And as I woke up after that, joy lit my heart, and I was all smiles embracing my surrounding. The point is, home was good.

Spent the next few days doing stuff as posted previously, and attempted to stay home to do my work for a couple of days. It was a brave thought, lol. I remember, constantly finding myself just sitting there with just one thought in my head, "how is it ever possible to feel this lazy?" "i just can't.." it wasn't as saddening initially but on friday, i was already feeling under the cosh from being undproductive, then mum told me that I should manage my time properly as I was stuck at home and we couldn't hang out, go shopping already. Despite it being the truth, the same reluctant-me-to-accept-my-own-flaws heated up on the inside, wishing I was better. My head had been heavy thinking of how I was gonna fly back to responsiblities, but the tip of it all was when I got home from cell, and realied that, "oh hey, 27th of Oct seems like a significant number" it's been in my head all week, and I just thought it was the day I was returning to KL, but then there I realised I was flying back on the 25th. Then the people in the WA group started chatting up about the contract assignment, and my heart raced so quickly as I checked the date of the submission, and BAM - there goes the grenade.

i felt so helpless and worried. i could literally feel my feet turning cold as complemented with my sweaty palms. i just prayed and prayed, i think. and i packed my bags. i prayed for peace to come into my heart, so that i'll be able to get through this. usually packing the night before seems like a 'stressful' task, so that happened next. then chlo came over to write stuff, abs too, and i was glad they came, as it eased the tension for a bit. the next morning, i was all quiet and reserved. after having a great breakfast, i planned to do my work on the plane. i just prayed. i didnt get to do work on the plane, but i started after a nap as i got home.

there, then, i literally felt so helpless, with nothing to hold onto at all, felt all defeated on a bare ground before God, and I said, "God, there's no one to help me now but you alone. and i know that by my own strength, I can't do it. My flesh will fail me. I don't know how it works, and I know strength is not something tangible I can't hold onto, but God, you're all that I can depend on and just help me." "I know that you won't fail me, ever." A small part of me thought, "is this gonna work out? or is this just a painful lesson?" I didn't feel like taking the risk to then mislead it into saying that if I didn't finish, that means, God has forsaken me and failed me. I didn't like the idea of that - even though when it really happens, I know that it's not an act of God to disappoint me, but it's simply a blessing in disguise. It was a risk.

Without thinking much at all, I just prayed that prayer, holding onto it tightly in my heart, and just spaced out to focus on my work. I texted Yvonne and Jade to uphold me in their prayers, even though part of me was dubious of the manner God's gonna help me. And i don't fancy disclosing to people when I'm going on an uphill battle. But i knew that Yvo and Jade were gonna be my source of strength as well. Words of encouragement kindly flowed from them and Jade called me to pray for me. I felt terrible for missing church =. = During that time, I missed home so much, missed the good times in life, but couldn't spend any few minutes longer to dwell on the situation but rather make the best out of what's left. The mental challenge was simply, hard.

I finished Contract at about evening time, relief sub-contained me as I started on my Reflective Journal. RJ didn't seem that difficult, so all was well around 11pm. At that moment in time, I was just dumbfounded by the grace of God. So grateful that I had sufficient peace to get me through, and that all was done at 11pm with an hour spared till midnight? Gold. it's even 11.36pm now, and I barely get any time off when it's 11pm. I'm so grateful, and when it was 11pm, I managed to shower, put things away, arrange my bed and prepped for bed. God is so good.

God is so, so, so, so good. Thank You so much for everything.

*Meanwhile, uni's been well. People have been lovely. And i'm meeting my high school friends tomorrow. Life's too short for worries. And I've learnt to surrender all to God and reserve no space at all for worries. Truly, God is my strength, my refuge and fortress.

Oh and again, meanwhile, I just told my roomie that I used her fb account to play tetris before, and she told me that she minds my actions. I apologized and promised not to do it again, but i still feel so guilty and hope that it won't tarnish our friendship. Sometimes I wish I was perfect and our relationship won't undergo any trials at all, but then again, realistically speaking, nothing is perfect. And those that come out well after a trial, are those that are gonna be stronger than ever. Right now is the testing period I suppose. I just feel terrible since this is such a heavy bet. However, I've done my part and I can only pray that may God intervene and let God work the rest.

* Am so in love with this. Stumbled upon it one day doing devotion - Saturday morning?

Be anxious for nothing, but.. Let your requests be made known to God; 

And the peace of God... will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus 

- Phillipians 4:6-7

Amen.

Untitled

So hello :)

Had fish head breakfast on Sat, spent time chatting abt life - further studies catching up etc with Abs @funky, then spent time updating mum abt faith and uni life with mum @yenai, went back to church for youth, played the Ice-Breaking ChubbyBunny game with Kris, then saw Emer, then went for BKT dinner with ze rest of ze ppl (abs bel) in Damai, then went yamcha @theBside at the Lido Plaza i think, saw Melissa and Alvin! :D hehe.

On sunday, went to church and learnt abt how much God really loves us. Went for KFC lunch and movie with derp n abs, where we shared stories about life faith and others. I was super cautious when we drove back home cuz there was rain, the I wasn't familiar with Abs' car. Went for the Sutera dinner at night with parents, and experienced Krisdayanti live :D she was really good, as she sang covers as well as her own. My kakak said she's the Siti Norhalizah of Indonesia. 

So anyway, I thought that this break was good. I prefer this type of breaks rather than 'meaningfuless' breaks :P at least there's something to take a break from :)

yogi

So, i guess idk why, my heart flew on a time machine back to where i felt so undeservingly loved back then. I was just reminded of the times where i so casually got the chance to rant to someone every day when I got home, without fearing someone to judge me, but rather just accepting me for who I am, lending a listening ear, someone who tried to make me smile each time my texts misled to think I was upset, gave logical upfront advices which i couldn't see when troubles came. I was really blessed to come across someone who's so smart and witty, kindhearted and generous, bold and shy at the same time, not deserting the quality of perseverance - to a certain extent at least :P

as i reminisced (as always, sighs), i reflected whether there were any regrets, or guilt that i should feel for missed opportunities. but i'd like to live by, "living life with no regrets," and not just being defensive and all, i really think that it just wasn't the right timing. sure, i dreamt that we were successful lawyers together in the future, and i absolutely adored the idea of having a companion who's smarter/elder than me which totally grants security, a bold and shy character for me, and someone who speaks more than one language fluently! and the things done for me were absolutely diabetic and melted my heart, they were just constantly a bomb dropped from nowhere, and enveloped me with thoughts of how lucky I am to be blessed with all this, when I on the other hand, did not do anything at all, but just received so much.

it was therapeutic to constantly be able to vent to someone who never attempted to put me in a bad position. it was a huge factor in contributing to 2012 being the best year ever, and also one of the best birthdays ever. it's made me feel soooo special than i ever did, than i ever expected.

thank you so much for warming my heart for not just one year in school, but another when we were both in different places, and continuously for another few months. we've only really hung out in person that few countable times, yet looking back those considerably 'hard times' in 2012 didn't seem so hard back then, and was doable, because of you... which also resulted in me being a better person then, and today. thanks for also being there impromptu throughout last year which is admittedly hard to get by, and being so patient!

one more thing, you know how you see some things, and you wish that that will spark your dreams to come true, and those things often remain as part of reality, with no incredible stories that follow? and another when you see something of the fantasies sitting there at the corner, with your very dream come true, even dreams you never thought of dreaming, just dumbfounded at the reality of it when life was happening?

it keeps me wondering how God is so good at just assigning a seemingly 'random' person into my life 'oh-so-randomly'. but knowing God, His plans must have been meticulously designed and I'm just forever grateful for you and everything else!

it taunts me sometimes, but i believe there's a season for everything, and thank you so much. sorry if i hadn't been any bit close to being the same, or being nice at least, but i wish you a lifetime of happiness!! and thanks for realizing my korean dream, even just for one bit! < 3

homebound, again

好期待回家。。

^ something I felt like posting yesterday. I think the booo has influenced me in her Mandarin and her manja ways :P p.s. i've been searching for what manja is in english, and i came across a page which says that that word doesn't exist in english.. hm i wonder. okay back to the topic, it's not like she tries hard to be cute, i really believe it's in her blood - as much as she wants to depart from that fact lulz.

so this week has been quite hectic, these past 2 weeks? i've been rushing assignments, and haven't got proper sleep in a while. i usually need to tuck myself into bed - i know it may sound strange, but what i do is that i gotta pack up my things for school the next day, tidy up my desk, clear things out of my bed, arrange the pillow, bolsters and bed stuff nicely, turning off the lights, set my alarm, reply my whatsapp chats and make sure nothing gets left behind, scroll through instagram to cover all then current feed, and say a prayer before i sleep. that's my routine in preparation for sleep. it's important for me as i feel i have to mentally prepare to get some good, restorative and 'substantial' sleep. and this is crucial as it preps me for the next day.

one thing about me is that i fall asleep pretty easily. most of the time, anytime, and anywhere condusive, no matter how much noise or how much sleep i've got before, i can sleep like a baby. however, some unpleasant exceptions include times where i attempt sleeping to get past traffic in the car to avoid motion sickness. having said that i fall asleep easily, that doesn't mean good sleep. it's a disadvantage when i get sleepy right after i open my book, or grant myself excuses such as backache, tired etc needing some rest. and then i'd sleep, and wake up the next morning and spent the whole time not doing assignments.

okay enough about my sleep, home is good. it always feel good to come home. as i thought about it on the plane just now, "am i excited to be home?" I don't have them anxiety in me as I would have previously, but there surely is a sense of satisfaction and I just can't help but find myself smiling :D i one of the primary reasons i wanna come home is to spend time with my parents - to spice up their monotonous life :P haha.

looking back, this one month has been fun, though busy. it's definitely better than being granted 'purposeless' holidays like the ones in June, as though it's tiring and stressful, but there's something to worry about. so it's all goodie :) I suppose, if home was in KL and I was schooling in Taylor's, I wouldn't dread going to school, but rather feel all satisfied and happy. A one week break would already be sufficient probably, but other than that, all would be well :D but, back to reality that's not happening :P

goodnight world :) tty tomorrow!

herrow eileenboooooo!

(just if you happen to stop by, :) )

i'm barely there with tort, but as i lifted open my laptop and "Say" by John Mayer played, 不知为什么突然觉得好幸福，好满足!

I guess it had to do with this pretty good sleep that I had, that I really appreciate. I got pretty tired after clearing stuff away in my room, did a lil sweep here, skyped Chlo for a bit, and then just decided to chill on my good-looking bed, with nothing else on it but only the necessary 'sleep stuff' :b wasn't sure if a nap was the way to go, as i really didn't wanna miss the alarm and let guilt consume me for the rest of the day, but i dived in it, and woke up first at 2.30am, and then really woke up an hour later.

my head does not feel heavy, my eyes feel fine, only a reflex from the bright light alone, i feel okay. for the first time, in a while. i guess it's been a while since i got a peaceful sleep, sleep for sleep too, although it was impromptu. prolly waking up to watch chlo's b'day videos had therapeutic effect too. or rather, knowing that school doesn't start till ten today induced some endorphins as well, just prolly. :D

but all is well, and all is well with my soul. i pray that baby elisha will be cured, and may God interfere.

nevertheless, thank you God for good vibes :)

"Cast your burdens upon the Lord, and He will sustain you,"

sustain : strengthen or support mentally and physically

So, that has been the verse of the past week.

Spent Friday celebrating Ms D and Kwang's birthday, and also learnt about Baptism, importance of going to church during Bible Study. Spent Tuesday going to SS15 with Eileen. Spent Wednesday in the Parliament. Spent Monday eating dimsum with the Suriamas ohana, as well as Darren who drove us and I bought my Hyseac! :D Been chatting with Sylvia and Shiela as well, where I woke up in the middle of the night to a very warm text by lala saying they were talking about me, and just reminiscing about the old days :)

it's been a rather interesting week, where I struggled hard, to focus on my academics to finish off assignments and just do my work. It had been on my nerves for consecutively days, and got me "crying" out for strength. i felt so mentally challenged, and it wasn't easy. I felt so blessed though to have people around me who gave such kind words of encouragement. Thurs, Yvo was telling me to trust in God, and she said, "If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, God can!" Jade also texted me to trust that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens. She added that it's a very well-known verse, and encouraged me to take it literally and focus on His ever-lasting love for me, it's pretty powerful. I was weak, and it was therapeutic to learn that people are praying for me, and that, I can do this.

Been long anticipating Sunday to come, the day I can finally rest and go to church to experience more and more of God. Met Rowaine from Kuching, and was so encouraged by her story of being touched by God when she was in her lowest, and experiencing miracles and having her prayers answered. Praise and worship was incredible - Wake, Happy Day, Oceans, "All is well?". It is always great to be back in the House of God and gather with people who are on such fire for God!!! Eld Daniel shared the Parable of the Talents today, and emphasized the importance of using our talents/gifts.

"For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away," Matthew 25:29

He said that no matter how little we think we have, we should always use that one talent to its fullest, for the glory of God. And also, we shouldn't do things led by rewards. Jade caught the significance of being generous, and that the tipping point is the circumstance where you give when you're not in your comfort zone - where you have enough to fall back to. It's taking a risk. For me, I can't wait to start serving, prolly hosting, and I'm excited for that bucket to joy to just overflow in my heart. Currently, I feel that caring for people is a good thing to do. No matter how skeptical people will get in terms of doubting the genuineness or sincerety, one day, they will loosen their guards, and open their hearts to receive the goodness being offered by other people, and slowly but surely learn to attribute it to God almighty.

Was really excited to hear about Celine from Michelle! Still constantly hoping that I'd be able to bring Yi-Ling, Amy, Darren to come visit, and hopefully Celine too :) And also markiemellow, that he'll be more dependent on God :) So exciting!

It's amazing how I've grown in this journey of faith. I'm not the best, but I am definitely so many steps forward now compared to where I had been, for the past long period of my life. It's remarkable to have God in my heart, just constantly knowing that God is there, and depending on him. He has never felt more real. God is a mysterious God, and works in ways that surpass human understanding. I may not have my prayers answered in a tangible way where it feels like an equation is solved, nor do I have my questions answered quite literally. It's just a blind journey of faith, and trusting that God has a great plan for each and everyone of us, and that the pieces of the puzzle are falling nicely into place as orchestrated by Him. :)

keep the faith, guys!

off to do my assignments now :)

Blessed :)

Herrow world! It's been an interesting week, and all is well. There's no school this week, as it's E-Learning week, and it was awesome cuz it coincides with the dates my dad comes for his convention (: yay!! Started off the week by attending Service at Homes on Sunday, and then got the Monday blues on Monday :( I think it was partially because I was overwhelmed with uni workload, and then my eggs died, and all in all, I was just not in the happiest state. Hence, I took the bus to Sunway Pyramid and had dinner with Celine and Daphne at Sushi Zanmai. I wanted to eat the salmon head soooo badly, it's one of the factor of choosing Sushi Zanmai. We were all really excited for it till the extent we ordered one each, but 15 or 30 mins later he came saying that there was no salmon head :( *heart sinks* I asked like 5 or 6 times, and till the end, the 'manager' came and explained to us the flight was delayed etc etc. Mmm. It was a good day with great company nevertheless :)

On Tuesday, I took a cab to meet dad. [Lulz, I felt so bad cuz I went only at 5pm as I was rushing to submit tutorials], but seeing dad was great!! #blissblissbliss I think he missed me too, cuz he 'seemed' like he was waiting. :P and yeah, we headed to Midvalley for dinner as I was craving for salmon head badly, so we ended up at Hokkaido Ichiba :) Dad was so excited for his speech the next day, I'm truly amazed. He was sharing with me his slideshow for the next day, there were such substantial points, I was so impressed to find out that he prepared it all from scratch, and it was so structured and organised. I'm just so happy that he's such a lil kid at heart, and his brain functions just as nimble as a child would. And I know that he's got so much that he would do if he's physically able to. I pray for very very long healthy years for this amazing man :) #favouriteguyintheworld Anyway, he was so excited and got carried away explaining his speech to me till he actually did the speech and was loud. And I told him he's gotta live very long so that my kids can hear his stories :) he brushed it off and ignored me. We went on to have coffee after that. :) 

Wednesday I stayed at the Armada Hotel while dad went for his convention. Was a lil emotionally pressured feeling overwhelmed with school work and tried to sleep it off :( Alwyn came to pick me up for Indian food and then sent me back. Then on Thursday, Uncle Leonard came to pick me up for Bah Kut Teh < 3 and then me and dad went to Sunway Pyramid to spend time buying stuff. She bought so many skirts for my mum, it's so funny. We bought some formal clothes, and then he cabbed his way to the airport, whereas I stayed back to shop from 3 to like 6ish 7 while waiting for Daphne and Celine to finish watching Annabelle, we went for Korean food then I cabbed my way home with a few Suriamas people I just met. 

Bible study was supposed to be on on Friday, but it was cancelled, so I got to spend some quality time with Yi-Ling. :) Went home, and went to Homes! Pretty fun, and blessed :) Nat shared the story of Mark 2:1-12, where four friends carried their paralyzed friend up the roof just to see Jesus, and Jesus, impressed by their faith, made the paralyzed man well. Learnt about friendship, and about going the extra mile :) We chatted throughout the night, and decided to go for sashimi breakfast the next day!!! :D brought Amy along, and then went back, studied a bit at home. And church was on this morning.

So Jade picked us up and we went to have mamak breakfast RM 3.70 << so cheap!! Haven't spent so lil on food since high school? xD Then we chatted about Bah Kut Teh.. and guess what, we really went for it!! :D haha. Ps Kenneth shared about Jesus in church btw :) Okay, back to lunch. So we went to SS 14's "Klang Bah Kut Teh", and I met some new friends such as Henry, John, Vivian and a few others. Henry began to chat with me about Alwyn -.-

But all in all, it's been a great week! And I'm just so blessed, with all the good food, and great company. :) (thank you Jade!) thank you Lord!

I need to stay focused on doing my work.

okay, byeee :)

Bah Kut Teh lunch! :D

Homes!

ze bomb!!! :D
Top Catch Fisheries @ Taman OUG

peepo
#goodvibes

:)

photo strip throughout the fun week!

piee

:)

chill n grill the other day :D

some time ago :)

even more time ago

fav person in the world!

:D

undergoing his "training"...

some very long time ago..

shum time ago too.

i look too bad. i can't stand it too, seriously.

salmon head experience 1!