so happy!!! :O

- skype with Viikkk - willz -UK - OZ - so cute - :) nth changes

- lala and indupo trip to KLLLL < 3 :DDDD

- and YESSSS. pd off!

- impromptu granny photoooo :P

- casssiiieee gimme 'sweet  < 3 ' < 3 < 3 chatting lives

- phone call with banananana on her curly-whirly-strands! :D

- adrian - fugitiveeee!!

- mommy midnight what'sapp - face - fruits - prettypic

- called daddayy - RM 60 durian sesshiion!! :O - told abt the stay :)

- possibru getaway trip in dec!!! 

- anna: be confident with your choices. me: i'm learning!

- michelle ting's happiness post :)

- chatted with heng :) real chatz, finalleh :P

- skypee grave with hanna - rose petals

- alvin dan - jom pj

- went out with jovita laz weekz (late post sorry)

- ms D chat - inspiration

- granny photo commentz - jeffy - cameron diaz - sharshar < 3
- not forgetting the sweetest ohanayapp

- awkwardz disappoofs - talia

- da chats with sylvia - photo of the girls :3

- da chatz with badass bachi - sex epitome

-- topped off with an amazing weekend of food-ing with the best roomie :-)

blessed!

Greatttt read! :D :D please read =)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jacob-sokol-/things-happy-people-do_b_3869793.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

Little Pleasures . . . ヽ(•‿•)ノ

Chinese homey lunch -

The Brew Culture -

bar sheh.

spent midnight togetherrr

The one that got me really excited! :) < 3

my bestie's hair timeline! :D
1. The first perm that's super keriting and china doll =)
2. I don't remember this, but I suppose that'd be few fours later :P
3. She then idk why, smth hit her head hard and 
she went and COMBED her hair!?! :O
4. That's her after releasing her bun =3

*

are you doing your BEST?

You know I believe that if you work hard, you'll get to a good place. You'll get your rewards that you really deserve, you WILL succeed. If you put in the effort, and at least TRY, it's good enough, you have already succeeded. Seriously, the feeling is really different. Even though you did not succeed even tho you tried, but the feeling you get is just different from not trying at all. Sense of achievement. And I feel that it is really evident that if you put effort into the right places, you will make it.

Just like training, you may mentally set down a goal to reach Abigail/Annabelle's record and try so hard to run as fast as you can, yet you only improve maybe a millisecond or two, and you don't understand. But if you put in the effort AND strategize well, you expand your footsteps, do the high-knee method, lift it up to the maximum and extend your legs as wide as you can, stretch till you can feel the pull, you'll leap and you'll feel just that much faster.

and it's the timing that counts. 

if you've jumped a second earlier, you might not be able to 

make it in time to jump over the hurdle.

Just like how my one/two second(s) delay

screwed up our gold for 4x100m.

The king of it all. 

Honestly, I wish I was somewhere close to him. 

Everybody does, of course :P 

Tho I may not be the fastest girl there was, 

I feel like at least I've tried, to just try my best. 

And the satisfaction is plainly rewarding :)

whoa, look at that sretch!!! :O I'd wanna do this! :D

OMG IT'S THE DAY!!!!

the coconut hair

HELLO YOU!!! 

Happy birthday to you one of my greatest friends alive!!!! :D:D:D:D 

It's been a long journey, and the journey has been a fun and intriguing and challenging one! :P Haha We've had 'trust' issues (no 'trust', no TD :O), i've had issues digging stories from you :P, you've got the "FACE", and you so thin and always catch me trippin' just as I thought no one would have seen me. :P It's sad that we've both left school, and thinking back now, I can't believe we've actually left :P School used to be THE place to be, to hang out and chill, and catch a glimpse of everybody and all have fun together though we're not in the same class! :P It's really interesting how you and your gangstas are a bunch of passionate homiez for PB, and I remember how ya all skip so muccchh classes :P haha. Anyway, you've been wonderful!! Especially during the 'tough' times during mooting, the kakao chat sessions, TD sleepovahh, the counselling sessions etc.. oh! and the most recent one will have to be the time during OC last year :P hahahah. Now, that was super interesting! :PP OH and not just "especially" ok, haha, but yes, and also for staying in touch >:D

Sorry I'm getting carried away.. :S 

Happy birthday mate!!!!!  hahaha
I hope we'll have manyyyy more cool stuff to come so that we can be partners again!! :D :D :D let's pierce our ears :D Ohhh.. gosh, you know actually what i planned to write in this post was how your celebration went last year =.= but i got carried away writing just whatevs :P

So... oh last year! I think it was a Monday or Wednesday, cuz we went to do the thangz during the fourth recess hehe. Oh.. There was Nas Tim LCK Shiela etc. And we brought you a cupcake/cake? to your class to you and sang you a song remember? you were sleepiiinnnn, lulz :P hahaha. Then there was the birthday dinner BBQ at your place, and we played the dancing game which was really funny :P haha.



I should stop.

Happy birthday to the greatest gorilla evah! :D

Have a BLASSTTTT and a SEXXYYYY night!!!

p.s. oh! you know where to find me if boredom strikes real hard, or vanity strikes its way through, but you're not sure how to express yourself!! :D :D :D hehe.

extract

"I feel like unhappiness isn't for me. Being all sad and gloomy, it's just not me. Negativity doesn't match my momentum. Pessimism, screws my head madly. It's not natural to feel this way. I don't feel natural, like how I usually feel, comfortable breathing in my own skin, livin' the days that come by, with innocent satisfaction. It is just as if that was how the day should have gone. Insecurity, fear, worry, anxiety, could you even breathe?"

'All the best!' 'You can do this.' 'Don't think about it' 'Have faith.' 

Lookin' naive withholding all positivity, yet believing every word.

*

Oh!

And it said it takes ten days to arrive. :/
okay then! :)

got issues want tissue?

I gotta admit, I'm a very sensitive girl. :)
It drives me crazy all the time.
Drives me nuts in my own head :P
To be honest, I am extremely blessed.
I have received so much more than I ever thought I would.
And I have received so much than I think I'd deserve.
Sometimes, when good things come to place,
it's interesting to think how lucky I really am.
I'm really grateful for everything I have.
Things always happen so unexpectedly,
And it's just like, "Wow, thank you man :O"
Like, it's just so unbelievable while being lost in confusion!

I'm really sorry for being so sensitive. :/
Especially now at this stage, it's like you've got a choice to everything you do.
There's no simple right or wrong answer.
Because it's okay to be different,
To think differently etc.
Some may think gay marriages are against the religion,
But some believe that it's a freedom of right entitled to everyone.
So yeah, it's ok to think either way.
So idk whether being sensitive is ok or not.
I used to be pretty headstrong with my feelings.
It does not take control over my head.
I just feel upset that I'm feeling this way.
Coming from an oversensitive girl, seriously,
This may not be able to be taken seriously anyway :p
I feel like this feeling itself inside of my head is eating me alive.
It makes me feel upset when I see you online,
And awkward, till it makes me go offline :P hahaha
Though I love you to bits from the bottom of my heart.
So yeah, I don't think I should be this sensitive.
I have already so much than I could ever ask for :-)
For the things that happened in the past..

thank youuuu for everythin'! :)

hello :)

heellooo.. So here are some updates! 

Or hmm, just some notes for me to keep track of how I spend my days :D

-

Hmm so my last post was on Friday. Which wasn't very much of a post anyway, it was just a reblog from Tumblr :) I love Tumblr's layout and design! But I can't seem to bring myself to abandon this blog that I've been posting about my life with for around five years. So I've decided to do it both ways :D hehe, if you can find it, you can see it! :DD

Friday I ditched Homes, as I planned to go hardcore with my studies. I got home around 8++ after YEB meeting, feeling extremely hungry, and quickly went back to fry the dory fish. It turned out too salty, and I couldn't bring myself to finish the final quarter. :S so I threw it away. Then, it was Skype-ing session with the ladies where we caught up about life, and well chat, it was a very nice night to remember :-) I dozed off right after >.<

Saturday Tried to climb the stairs, but only did it for like ten minutes then I went back, like a dead fish gasping for air. And the perfect remedy to this was, to cook corn soup and fed myself :D hehe. Went to college to help out with Pei Ying for a bit, went grocery shopping with the girl and went back home and spent hours on that silly story card =.= I just got so frustrated cuz doodling or designing is just simply not my forte. 

Sunday I enjoyed the message that was delivered - The Tale of the Two Masters. 

It was about who we are letting in to dictate our lives. Is it materialistic goods, fame, popularity, sadness, anger, unforgiveness or the social network, instagram etc. Ps Sandra shared a reminder that we should always remember who we gave our lives to, in the very beginning, and let God decide how our lives should be. Sometimes we get carried away in all things good, and we just lose directions and it'd seem very natural to just slip away. 

She said, "Trust in Him and wait patiently upon Him". 

And that we can only do what we do best, when we submit to the only one voice. 

We seek for God's affirmation, not from others. 

It is the praise from God that counts, not from other people. 

When things don't go well, it's God who repositioned us. 

We should not put the blame on the cause alone/'that person', 

we gotta remember who our master is.. 

Walk with humility and always give glory to God. T

he one who drives your heart to health and wealth.

1) There is freedom - no overstressing.

2) There is an obedience that brings blessing

3) Eternity

He came to give you life, and life abundantly.

rockin' night

so how was your night mate? sexy?

*

Picture my heart.

So cool. Yay uncertainties =.=

Haha. Hi Johanna, are you reading this?

This could be you!!

Best friends ma.

hahaha jks jks.

partially. :P

words to share from my heart

Yesterday was Mid-Autumn Festival! Yep, just as how Paula has phrased it :D Nat gave me some mooncakes to get through the night, which I shared with Sar, Sean and also Yi-Ling. I planned to study at night, go all hardcore, only to fall asleep at 11pm after returning from Sar's place for dinner with Sean as well. Actually, well, I went back around 9++, we went grocery shopping before with Mark, had a 20 minutes phone call with Bubura, Shiela and Daphne. Then started replying messages because people have been saying that I reply too late! :O Shareen claims that as the reason for bellolielove :P not sure if it's true, but yep, guys like Sean and Alvin think it's bad. Whereas Jie, S, Lala find that it's okay anyway. oh shucks. :/

Jie is truly an amaazing person, I can't fully phrase how blessed I am for a friend like him. I just.. can't. haha. His wonderwoman, will be one of the luckiest fish in the big blue ocean. Always so comforting and loyal!! Not loyal, as in he's not unfaithful, but i don't think i need to explain this :p Anyway, thank you for being such an awesome wonder. < 3

Bubura's leaving today to the UK. Jie suggested me to call her in the morning, right before she left. And so I did. She sounds good and okay last night on the phone. I'm really proud of her. And as I called her this morning, she told me she was very touched by the people who went even earlier to the airport, just to send her off. :'( It's kind of hard to describe that overwhelming feeling you'll just get, as you step foot into immigration and you feel like your stepping away from the land of the riches, as dramatic as it may sound. I felt like I was walking away from all this goodness, and I felt so dumb and stupid for doing so :O

I felt kind of heavy-hearted when she was leaving, though I wasn't there personally to send her off. But my emotions did weight down a lil bit, for some reason. :'( I'm not sure when I'll be seeing her again, but I look forward to creating more memorable and precious memories together. I don't know what/how I should feel, it's always very uncertain. Sometimes I feel like, "hey Chris, you gotta pull yourself together and start living the life," but then there's always a soft spot for me when it comes to KK love. They are just too much to not look back to. I appreciate everything that KK has ever given me, may it go the distance =) < 3

Reminiscing about my friendship with Bubz over the years, I remember the time I felt so personally attached to her during the PB election, the year before when she baked me Bread Pudding in a beautiful basket for my birthday!, last year how I was really emotional with her as I was stressed about QGDZ and more stuff. =)

"Best friends are those who deeply care for one another even though they don't speak everyday. Nothing is ever going to change that special connection they once started off with. Not time, not distance"

say, do you agree?

Reach for the stars.

go Rachel Berry ;)

For the past few days, I was reminded by moments of the friendship with the guy. How his eyes used to pop up when I do smth unexpected, really out of the blue, really sakai. And he just laughed at how silly I could get. And also when I'm carried away with chatting around, I would suddenly turn to his direction, and then we'd smile at each other :D and his eyes would go really small.

Ytd I dreamt of some surprise thing that happened, oh shucks I don't remember :/ But some time ago, I dreamt that I lived in this new cornerhouse semi-detached or detached house in Kingfisher. And I had friends over, the people came in as a surprise too I think, it's funny how I keep dreaming about surprises :p and well, yeah.

This week is gonna be hectic. I hope!! Been having a hard time focusing on what there is to do. I only succeeded with a bit of law last night, only to go back to sleep soon after :( it's kinda disappointing. I need to deal with a whole bunch of stuff, think about the personal statement, UK application - at least the sissy part is through, i'm so relieved :), now that's one major thing sorted, studies, law, econs, maths..

Oh! And I went for lunch with Yvonne ytd at Tray, she spent me this RM 19 Sweet Potato Hazelnut Eggplant etc etc Salad, it was a bit too healthy, just like how Yvonne had said it :P We talked about UK, and the walk with Christ etc. Feeling so blessed~ :)

Who knows what's gonna happen in the future? I'm looking for answers, and this webbie clearly state that only by constantly reading the Bible, you'll realize the plans of God for you. So i will try try try very hard to do that too.

cheerios to a great day! < 3

Do you love chocolate?

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.
1 John 2:15-17

God wants us to be in control of the way we spend our time. We are not to love the things of the world, for if that love becomes too strong it consumes us and prevents us from loving God.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.Philippians 4:8

taken from: http://essentialthingdevotions.com/2013/03/07/do-you-love-chocolate/

read: http://essentialthingdevotions.com/2012/10/04/seeking-god-walk-in-his-ways/

preach

*

No strings attached.

I was on the brink of tears.

The guy has the greatest heart.

And the girl is just a paranoid,

when good things happen to her.

Cheers to a happy ending,

if only life was full of second chances. 

:)

livin' in the moment!

If this life is one ACT

Why do we lay all these traps?

We put them right in our path

When we just wanna be free

I will not waste my days

Making up all kinds of ways

To worry about all the things

That will not happen to me

So I just let go of what I know I don't know

And I know I'll only do this by

Living in the moment

Living our life

Easy and breezy

With peace in my mind

With peace in my heart

Peace in my soul

Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

Living in the moment

I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done

I let my past go past

And now I'm having more fun

I'm letting go of the thoughts

That do not make me strong

And I believe this way can be the same for everyone

Back to Square One.

I'm not sure how this "back to square one" thing came about this afternoon, but it just hit me and I had a very strong feeling to name it as my post title.

Anyway, this week flew by so quickly! It began by my return from KK on Sunday. I don't even remember how I spent the rest of the day. And I remember being excited for college on Monday as the exam papers were being distributed. As well as not excited for having to dress up for the official YEB prom D: :P haha. Oh well, I wore this green tee I got from Bangsar Village with my pops and momz < 3 , this new RM 40 black skirt from Bershka, and my seventy blue striped jacket from Forever 21. :D Psych*, Law* and Maths* were distributed on that day, and I got pretty similar marks haha. I was really happy, really excited! I got As for all, with 80 (81), 81, 79 (80). The marks in the bracket are the ones after rounding up. Been waiting for Econs for a couple of days, till Thursday I got it, and I got a B (71). I am really happy, so I shared it with my ohana, jie and yeah, that's about it I suppose.

Oh! And apparently Monday was the day I went to see my "best friend" together with Sarah, followed by another session about law schools on Tuesday. Wednesday was council meeting which I was late for cuz I overslept, again >.< followed by Zumba. And Thursday I went to The Curve, Ikea and One Utama with Sarah and Mark to shop for Biotherm and Origin. Origin's masque is da bomb, i love the charcoal masque :D Friday was yesterday, where the four of us (Kenji) went to Nirvana for dinner, then I came back to college to help with JFH goodies packing. It was soooo much fun! It felt like a family working together tho I'm not officially part of them. But I had a sense of belonging during the process. Damn those sentimental feelings. :') Went to Zumba again.

Last night I slept at Sarah's after chatting about life issues, which went productive and sweet! :3 And watched a bit of Broke Girl$. Woke up at 10 instead of 6.30a.m., went home to organize my things properly, cooked corn soup with sausage, watched a bit of Grey's, accompanied Kenji for lunch then off to college I went. We helped out with the banner first, then we walked the route while planting the flags with Shareen and Cassy. Dinner came by, we went to Publika and went shopping at Ben's for a bit =) I'm gonna take a nap till 11.30 now.

More tmr! :)

Nick Vujicic

"You don't need to try to be someone else just so that you can fit in. You are beautiful on your own and that is your powerful gift. If you are always looking for the approval of others, you will then be seeking for it all your life.

"I am my biggest danger if I put a limit to myself. If I allowed my disability to be a hindrance all those many years ago, I would not be here speaking to you now or get 28000 invitations to speak at various venues across the world,"

"Motivation gets you through the day, 

but inspiration lasts a lifetime and 

I thank God that He made me this way 

because I can be a source of inspiration for others,"

Listening to Gravity - Sara Bareilles

And the emo feeling sinks in again.. 

Don't know whether it's good or bad. 

I like to be far-sighted tho. 

:) or :/ or :( ?

:)

Hi Annabelle! 
As promised ;)

< 3

Quote of the Day!

"Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all." 

go Avery

where people strive their best, stay consistently focused, know that they can do much better than what they are, be the best at what they do, at the same time, the purpose of what they do are engraved in their heads.

Being a giver is not good for a 100-yard dash, but it's valuable in a marathon.

So, as I slept last night at my KK bed, I felt a bit fearful of what was going to happen. I was just worried a bit.. hmm. Just hoped that I could teleport from one place to another, and skip the airport waits, the flight, the taxi ride, the unpacking and settling down again. i don't like it, nuh-uh, im not the biggest fan.

And college is tomorrooo! "YAAAYY"? Okoklah.. I am not entirely ecstatic, oh! and the papers most probably are going to be distributed tomorrow! eeeekkkzz! *crossing my fingers* Anyway, I'm gonna start my day with a smile, and just do my best in everything, be me, and we'll see what happens ;) be gratz for the lil lil things :D just as Willie's status says, "If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million people who will not survive this week."

Jie is an amazing person! I was a bit down ytd, feeling a bit out of the circle, and this morning too, with the shoot thingy, and he just managed to clear my thoughts and simplified things again. It's an honour to have a pal like this :) so thank you looo. and he deals with my rants and senseless thoughts. I'm just a bit lost and confused and I don't enjoy my way of approach now... :X It doesn't feel me. But then he said I diao gao ga. So maybe that's what you do when you want to approach somebuddeeehhh. :/

*I was watching Grey's! And i absolutely lurvee it! At first I thought my hype would fade, since Mark and Lexie ( my favourite duo) died, together (=.=). But then as I continued for several episodes, the infatuation came back! :P I'm so excited to find out what's gonna happen next now, with the hospital and all. =) yay!

*... im running lost for words lulz, i usually don't :P

But dad has given me this book. And it says stuff like, 

"Givers succeed in a way that creates a ripple effect, enhancing the success of people around them. You'll see that the difference lies in how giver success create value instead of just claiming it."

"But there's something distinctive that happens when givers succeed: it spreads and cascades."

" ..by encouraging us to expect the worst in others it brings out the worst in us: dreading the role of the chumps, we are often loath to heed our nobler instincts."

*I'm so sorry, you might not understand or enjoy what i've posted today, cuz my thoughts are all over the place. Perhaps it's kind of late now, and the effects of caffeine are starting to sink into my system, and I'm at the brink of shutting my mind. Just know that I have an affinity for athletic guys. And sometimes, feeble-minded remarks are out of my league.. This is moving towards the melancholic mood lulz, so let's settle with resolution for tmr - just do your part, and let God do the rest, believe that God has a plan, and just be trusting on Him.

"God has perfect timing.

Never early, never late.

It takes a little patience,

It takes a lot of faith."

impossibru

As she watched him cycle his way over, her heart melted slowly, like how a butter would on a frying pan. He just seemed like the ideal kind of person, she wouldn't mind spending the rest of her life with - view on the long run. And at that moment, a little girl held her hands together, while overshadowed with the dark night punctuated with a faint flicker of stars, wishing that he'd feel for her that way, wishing for the impossible.

Days At Home

"Did anybody ever tell you that you're really good at words and making people weak by your words?

Weak as in a touched way but then will grow strong after hearing your words..."

So I'm gonna pick up from where I left off, which is W-e-d-n-e-s-d-a-y night which was Marcus' birthday party. Aaron, Chloe, Jordan, Petra and Annabelle are the people I met there! Of course and the Loh's too =)

T-h-u-r-s-d-a-y T-h-u-r-s-d-a-y.. Hm what did I do.. Oh! Okay, so I went for facial from 12pm-2pm, then off to Team Saloon for a hair trim and cut which costed me RM 160, from my own bare pockets =#, then hitched on a ride with Vikki to pick Cynthia up, and went to Lucy's Kitchen at Kepayan 88 to makan. It was a really nice gathering, where we just picked up conversation from where we sorta 'left off', and there goes all the rants, and the catching up =) After we ate, we went back to Cyn's and took lotsa memorable polaroids! < 3 Geez, I think, Polaroid's on my wishlist now. Never thought that I'd actually want it :/ :P hahah. So yeah, back to the story, Phyllis helped us take the photos, and each of us kept at least one with us :D I gave Cyn my baby photo. I thought she was gonna go "Awww :')", she burst out laughing instead o.o I was like.. "uh, what's wrong with the photo lol, ain't it supposed to be sweet. o.o " But yeah, haha, i love my girlfriends! :D I got home around 8.30, waited for durian feast at around 10++, they were a-m-a-z-i-n-g.

F-r-i-d-a-y... Oh! So was supposed to hit One B with mumzy, to buy some lingerie or skincare or smth lulz, but then mum wasn't feeling well, so I went out for Dim Sum BRANCH with Yau at WK Restaurant instead!!! :O Haha, I thought it was good, not phenomenally amazing. Because my craving wasn't at its maximum measure, and we didn't get to have porridge :( not cuz they didn't have it, but cuz I worried I wouldn't have finished it on my own :( ah wellz, it was a good catching-up session too! Bits and pieces of catching up with the past, but a bit more on talking about da future, where I envision myself making those kachings $$$ < 3 Haha, I really want to be a tutor in Maths, or at least give Yau a hand when his tuition centre at Metrotown comes into the full picture :D weee weeeee weeeeeee!

Had a small gathering of Pot Luck session at Aaron's that night :) with a few s-u-h-w-e-e-t people like Shafie, Leong, Siao Ying, Tassha and Petz. Sar was supposed to come but didn't make it in the end. I had trouble finding Aaron's house, so he came out and led me and dadday in. Elaine baked yumzz food like Pizza (which I didn't get to try), yummz spaghetti and my bread pudding! :D It had apple crumbs in it which made it different from the one from Bubura, but it was still yummy, with the Vanilla Sauce. :D I was initially already sated with a small meal at home, but was even more stuffed after shoving food into my mouth cuz it was a pot luck and everyone was supposed to eat. haha. err ok. :D We were given green tea munchies by Elaine and Aunty Yong, kit-kat, biscuits etc. s-t-u-f-f-e-d :)

So, I started off S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y with hmm nothing much, tried to pack.. The main event on Saturday was the 'mini photoshoot' me and the girls had, shot by Tim Wong. It was just a casual idea of us getting together to shoot some photos, capture some interesting scenes, and just let the moments seize for a while. Photographs are so meaningful, don't ya think? You look back, and it could tell the story before and remind you of things you've experienced. :) well yea, nobody's certain of the future, so we should just embrace every moment that we have and just live it to the fullest I suppose x.

whatever it is, just always remember to be yourself ok?

don't lose your yourself

:'(

I don't like how every time after removing makeup, it makes me wanna tear up. And even if I felt bad, but wouldn't reach the extent of tearing up, I would still wanna :'(

Reminiscence

Today was a lovely day spent. (: went to Suria with my bbuddy, watched RIPD. I thought it was okok. =/ couldn't help but was on the verge of falling asleep as usual. Lulz. Tho one would never be able to deny the fact that Ryan was very, adorable. We walked around and chatted easily and caught up. Gosh, life is really happening isn't it. Oh well, cheers to new things to come!! :D 

I slept at 3.30 am, just as I prepared for bed around 2++, I was carried away with going through my inbox from year 2010. Junior 3 actually wasn't that bad of a year. I don't know why I don't have much vivid memories about it, but going through past msgs, it seemed just like one of those perfect years. haha, p e r f e c t ..

*I asked lotsa people to go 7K, helped them get the shirt. Was texting Choon Ying lots, so we were pretty close. Texted Sylvia quite a bit too, as she told me her thoughts etc. I remember how I loved her cute phone calls, haha. Debate was happening, hence, was on the going with Jo, Annabelle, Paula, Adren and Will (which is a sad, sad ending :( ) The bazaar happened, which was really fun actually as I toured with Adren and Wills. Oh! And the day I got constipated and ppl calling me was apparently 19th of July, 2010. Lulz :p I went to Ms Shally's tuition. Was quite close with Sha and Carol a bit, definitely with Alvin and AhChai too. I was in touch with Jie and Cedric, Jiun, Xuan, LCK and Alvina too. Kevin Yau as well. 

And what was written happened mostly in July. Blood donation wasn't included yet. Actually it was one hell of a year. It was where I got to know Sanny bit by bit. However, what I remember most was only me getting emo, always reading alone in class, during lessons while semiconsciously shutting the world out as I felt a bit socially awkward. I loved reading books tho, it was so awesome!! And the time where I stayed in the small room downstairs, siting there everyday with bottles of water and wheat grass, drowning myself in multiple tv series, one after another, while trying to be oblivious about the world. 

I don't even remember much abt PMR and UEC. :/ I was friends with Wilson too, during the exams. Not sure what happened after that. I was friends with Kuku too. And I remember the days where bananie would come and chat for a bit once in a while. I was friends with Jasmine, Steven, Nicholas, CYC too.it was so fun meeting these new people :D Oh! And I remember the epic awesome English drama we did. There were me, Aaron Chung, Susan, Jane etc i don't remember. Thinking back, I don't know where the creativity came from, I lost it now I feel. ( I remember thinking this way too last year, felt proud of myself then :p) And the confession lulz. 

The amazing English lessons :p KHB workshop, the super noisy Geography yet interesting lessons, the kinda odd Sejarah classes. The people who couldn't stop chatting and swearing in class. Almost burst out laughing on my first few times of CI. The many many 'inevitable' times I missed Jafri's tuition. 

Haha memories popping one by one~

I suppose the reason why I never remembered much was because shit happened. The sports day crap, the love crap, the big trip crap, and as for the 'icing' on the cake, my stupid breakout and fitting in paranoia. Haha. It might sound like I'm still angry, with the less fancy language. But I'm way past that =) just reminiscing~ :P oh and my sister left me on my own. Got parents stuff also eh. And Choon Ying Stuff. those craps were good enough to get me went waterworks, heart pierced etc. Maybe, that's why I don't remember much. Like in Psychology, they call it "selective memory" :p Hmm, maybe, just maybe.

It was a good year tho!! :O hehe it was one interesting Sports Day, interesting PB. I met so many people that year, unexpectedly. Only wish I'd realize it then , and appreciated it more =) but I still do appreciate it! :D hehe. 

Reminiscing on those old days, it's where bubu, lala, lulu, jo, Vikki, Xuan, jie, dric haven't entered my life and played such significant roles yet. Now mentioning leong, Shafie, Aaron, t, s, willie, ravs, charle, binsi...

Hai Johanna (=

hahahah got this feeling :-P

Brunch overlooking the beautiful beach, the poolside, some bikini chicks, and lovely company. Pizza, pastitso, fried rice, pandan coconut. 140. WIINN!!

*

Back in KL, I remember a million thoughts flashed through my mind. One that took major attention was "I don't like how life is so uncertain." I don't like the idea that we never know what's up ahead for us. We may have a plan, but things don't usually fall into place and work out exactly as planned. I didn't like the idea that I don't know what's in for me in the future, who I'm going to meet, how I'm going to look, where I'm going to live, what life I'm going to live, how's it going to be like with my friends etc. Change is the constant thing that never changes. However, the only reassuring notion that makes this whole block of confusion is that God is always there for us, every step of the way. Amidst this, I like to think that no matter how helpless things may seem, there's always a way out, or things will work out as meticulously planned, if you try your best and fulfill your part. No matter how weird or how bad it'd feel at the moment, it's still worth living and embracing because that's part of God's plan. So thank God that at least, that's one thing I'm definitely certain of.

Uncertainties kill man. I'm so dead serious haha. Sometimes it feels like I'm the candle stick, and the flame's just eating me up alive, bit by bit. Okay, not that gory maybe. But it gets frustrated and annoying that now that I'm turning 18, I have to make decisions on my own. Decide on how I choose to live life, draw a plan, choose the best routes. "Decisions on life" gawd, who on earth would know what choices to make? Who ever knows what's up ahead in the future, what's gonna happen in the end. I don't like to want to decide on these major decisions. I suppose it's a bit too much for me to handle, esp last week during exam, so I've decided to take time off and properly think it through. How easy was it when the decisions you had to make was deciding which colour you prefer, what food you like. Lol, those were the days.

Now, whatever I do, I have to decide. Be it going to the council retreat in Dec, going home during breaks to deciding what course to pursue after A-Levels. There's always pros and cons with every option, sometimes the emotions become the tie-breaker, but there's always the "logic" end which doesn't support considering emotions in decisions. So yeah, it's hard. So sometimes I wish there'd be a "Bible" of life. There'd be a straightforward rule that says "Oh, yeah, Council retreat is a MUST." or "You must not spend on fat foods." etc. That'd be absurd, but hey, imaginations work to reassure unresolved conflicts. :D

I LOVE watching movies! When you see someone screwing up something, some lines tend to pop up conveying the same message.
"Hey, life isn't meant to be perfect. Life's meant to be f*cked up." 
"Hey, you screw shit, you learn, you move on." 
"You were young, you didn't know what you were doing, you were meant to make mistakes. Then you go off track, but hey, that was one hell of a life."

:)

I watched 10 Years and it was pretty interesting. Got me put on the thinking cap about life. I love having deep thoughts you know! It gets me farsighted and hopeful with dreams of how awesome life is going to turn out. :D I like how I could relate to the people in the movie, being a college student leaving home. I like how they caught up so easily, even tho 'life' happened. =)

I watched Dear John after. I enjoyed the book sooo much. I loved it! It's one of my favourite romantic novels because it is so realistic. (I have a feeling I've posted on this many times, but I don't know if I have :/, but just bear with me :D hehe) How it's possible to love to people at the same time. I remember the ending best where John parked his truck a distance away from Savannah's house where she's having a happy family meal, only to see Savannah coming out, sitting on the front porch, gazing up to the moon :-) awwww, win win win!!!

I don't know what the lil things mean. I don't know how much hope should I place. I don't know how much effort to put. I don't know what to think. I don't know how. 

(see what i mean? eff uncertainties. or should i eff not? *sighs*) 

but still, thanks for everything. :-)

spree

yay! shopping for skin care products tomorrow, fingers crossed*