Well, I feel very weird. It's a mixture of sadness + disappointment + doubts + ... It's a mixture of feelings, that makes me feel blue, and makes me think a lot. It's not like sadness to the extreme or anything just a mixture of all those. So it's nothing serious.
You know when your going through life, you may be disconnected with some friends all of a sudden, with you even realising it, maybe just coz both parties are busy with own lives, and you think that "oh, i bet that friend is doing just fine"or "oh, i bet that friend is still living his life he told me about" because your life is perfectly fine. So sometimes you don't make effort to ask about their lives coz you just assume their lives are just like yours. But what you don't know is that, even though you have been living life happily or maybe just perfectly fine, the other friend may not be. A lot of things can be happening yet you just don't know about it. And maybe that friend has been going through a lot all this while, yet you just don't know. And the next time you see that person changed, you just say "oh wow, you lost weight" or whatever stuff, when there's actually lots of stuff that happened which caused the change in them. It may be something good or bad, but you just missed that huge part of their lives which caused them to change. And as a good friend, it's just sad. So sad to miss an important phase in that person's life.
I feel really disconnected with people there. Your leader isn't feeling well, yet you are not told about it. So many members together in one group, yet you don't know a single thing. They haven't seen you in ages, and when they see you, it's just like everything's fine and great. When such important things have happened, and you have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE. why wasn't I told about it? why? so so so many friends around.. you know, it just feels like err in country, where the something happened to the president and someone else is about to take his place, and all the citizens know about it are talking about it. then there's you, maybe who just got back from a holiday later not knowing about it. then having to find out your country has been ruled by some other stranger. do u get what i mean? u feel like u don't belong, and u feel entirely stupid and useless. if you get it, then that's pretty much how I feel now.
this world is soooo weird. like i said, you may be living life to the fullest, and assuming other people too, when every other person around is living lives entirely different from what you expected. in a good way, in a bad way, both. today, three friends' lives have shown me this fact.
but i guess this feeling is what makes me grow to another level of understanding in life.
this blog looks like crap. so dead and not pretty. gotta spice it up with some colours! toodles
