traveller

Oh, the struggles of reconciling my different worlds from the different seasons of my past...

How my heart aches for Bristol this one second as I speak to friends from Bristol...
Then I'm back to conversing with my KK buddy & another world flashes by in my mind...
Then I'm right here physically in a place I called home for a few years back then, so as I hang out with people from then, it feels like home for a while..

Then I'm reminded where I'm literally, physically, at - staying ay my cousin's doing a new job, inchoating my career, and suddenly so many things are different..

Then I'm caught by my reality of needing to open up my life to escort more things into it! new friends, new opportunities..

And I'm reminded to be fully present, to be open to the endless opportunities & experiences that God wants me to experience right here, right now.

I'm challenged to fully immerse myself in my physical reality, & not be divided across the different realities that the virtual world take me on, or dwell in the realities of my memories...

Such challenge, such reality, world.

Oh my heart..
How can my faint heart take it?

Slight confusion, but above all, my heart is full
I am grateful

Above all, I know that You are good.
I have confidence
I have peace.

Above all, there's no one else for me.
None but You.

I love You.

Rejection - in a broken world

And then I'm reminded of the times where Jesus was taken for granted...

When even people from his homeland ridiculed him, questioned him, mocked and scorned at him...

For what?

For all that He was doing for the world, they chose not to believe.

He never sinned.

I feel that I don't deserve judgment from people regarding things I didn't do wrong, things in fact done with good intention but misunderstood & misperceived as idk what.

But, neither did Jesus... Neither did He deserve any of the by-product of the brokenness of the world.

Sure, it feels - unfair, uncalled for, unnecessary...

But neither did Jesus deserve all the unkind things this world warrants.

-
1 Peter 4:13 Instead, be very glad--for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.

-
1 Peter 2:21-25 For to this you were called, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving an example for you to follow in his steps. 2:22 He committed no sin nor was deceit found in his mouth. 2:23 When he was maligned, he did not answer back; when he suffered, he threatened no retaliation, but committed himself to God who judges justly. 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we may cease from sinning and live for righteousness. By his wounds you were healed.

-
Praise to the God of All Comfort 

2 Corinthians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Take heart, for He has overcome the world.

Angels

Thank you Edwin & Nicole. 

I am so blessed.

I love it when I'm reminded of how real & how good our God is - 

through your loving gesture.

I know so in my head, 

but it's another level to experience it.

Can't help but smile.

:)

-

It can't end like this... not with my failure & weaknesses......

"Lord You are always here with me"

When  troubles come I trust in You
For I know You will lead me through 
And I know You are faithful  till the end

And when the storms are drawing near 
When I'm with You I don't have to fear
You're my shepherd on whom I can depend

# Through the day
Through the night                  
I know You're always be by my side
             
* Lord You are always here with me               
There is no changing God in Thee                 
You are the same yesterday
and today and forevermore                  
Here on your promises i stand                 
You hold my future in Your hand           
My solid rock   Almighty God               
I worship you

危難臨到我信靠你
Wei nan lin dao wo xin kao ni
深知你必領我度過
Shen zhi ni bi ling wo du guo
你信實為我堅持到最後
Ni xin shi wei wo jian zhi dao zui hou

當暴風雨向我靠近
Dang feng bao yu xiang wo kao jin
有你同在我不至畏懼
You ni tong zai wo bu zhi wei ju
你是我的牧者我所倚靠
Ni shi wo de mu zhe wo suo yi kao

# 每個夜 每一天
Mei ge ye mei yi tian
我知你永遠在身边
Wo zhi ni yong yuan zai shen bian

* 主你永遠與我同在
Zhu ni yong yuan yu wo tong zai
在你裡面沒有改變
Zai ni li mian mei you gai bian
你的堅定從昨日到今日
Ni de jian ding cong zuo ri dao jin ri
一直到永遠
Yi zhi dao yong yuan

靠你豐盛應許站立
Kao ni feng sheng ying xu zhan li
我的未來在你手中
Wo de wei lai zai ni shou zhong
堅固磐石 全能真神
Jian gu pan shi quan neng zhen shi
我敬拜你
Wo jing bai ni

April Fool's Story! :)

Happy blessed birthday Cass & Ginny!

You both have added much value to my life :)

Love you both dearly!!

Isaac, the lil heartbreaker

Idk why he kept licking his palm! :P

the UWE BPTC FAM! :)

*

Isaac in his best element!!

*

Oh, Isaac, I'd spin you again & again & again if I could! :p

Oh Isaac & Isabelle, you both will grow up to be such influential people for His kingdom! So inspired by your loving family who are completely head over heels for God. Thanks Ps Kah Jin & Ps Sadie for dropping by & warming our hearts for a weekend :) So privileged to get to know your family, albeit just a little bit more. Praying only for God's best in your lives!! < 3

God

- 

I participated in a homeless feeding initiative with church peeps last night. It was my very first time feeding the homeless. It was life transformational. Throughout the entire time, I was so engaged.. with I'm not even really sure what... I was caught in a daze even after I went home & decided to pen down my thoughts. 

How is it possible that I in return am SO tremendously blessed ?

I had such a precious encounter in exchange, a fresh revelation of God's goodness & love so tangible that consumes me... I would never trade this for anything else...

-

You

You don't give Your heart in pieces,
 You don't hide Yourself to tease us -
 Your love is pure.

 Pieces, Amanda Cook

spoiled silly; the little things

UWE had a water cut last Wednesday. It was awkward when I wanted to brush up at 4.30a.m., & the next morning I received an email to say that the pipe burst somewhere around 3a.m. I really needed to brush my teeth, wash my face, do lots of things. It was awkward because I had just finished all my 5-6 bottles of water that night itself, I wasn't ready for a rainy day. As class ended that morning, we found out that there's a shower space in the same building where we attend classes. Shower there was so comfortable! Even more than those in the typical swimming pool/gyms shower rooms. The whole time I showered, I just kept thinking, "I'm so blessed, I'm so blessed, I'm so blessed!!!" 

Since that morning, the reception had been offering water bottles to the residents affected. On my way back from shower that evening, we (me & D) came across trucks & people delivering & transporting water. Don't think they stopped working early as I still saw them around midnight. On my way to refill my water bottles later that night, as I neared one staff, he happily gave me 6 big bottles to bring home.

Next day, I went to class with a turbulent stomach, so I rushed to use the toilet in the building across. When my day had ended, the water's been restored & everything's back to normal. ;)

Random post this is, but I can't help thinking how blessed I am.

I appreciate their hard work, and how they're always readily available to help albeit it's just water shortage for less than 2 days. I appreciate the frequent update emails we received throughout the days too. I wish that more people in different parts of the world, who are suffering, will have their needs met satisfactorily one day, if not more, because you deserve the best as much as we do.

-

Here's an even more random picture of the Tesco delivery driver speaking to Desmond, our kind friend, who volunteered to help us out with our groceries without asking questions at all. (You'll be able to spot his specs + prominent forehead if you look close enough) In this picture, the Tesco delivery driver was stressed & had difficulty driving to our doorstep. Our friend there volunteered to ride in with him to find the way although he wasn't sure himself. 

Thank you for going the many extra miles to sort out our groceries that night, & thank you, for the friendship during all other times!

it's been a while...

Omg, Katy Perry and I are the... same. gahhhh.


melts....
somebody save me.

:')

I taste and see...

I am on a journey of fine-tuning, or sharpening rather, my senses in identifying God's presence in my life. As I journal today, I approach the pages with many burdens in my heart, part of it even bitterness as I grow frustrated in my walk with God where I impatiently wait for His power to unveil before my human eyes. My lack of patience has taken the better of me and brewed bitterness deep down in my heart. I realize this when I compelled myself to pen down my thoughts, and I realize I am repeating the same questions, burdens and issues as I already did before.

I also wrote about my Saturday spent in church where my heart was so full throughout, where I kept wanting more and I never wanted that day to end. (That day = the feeling, the presence rather...) As I continued on the details of my day/height of my emotions, the stark irony hit me - how was I to question/doubt His presence, when all I'm writing about is the manifestation of His presence?

In hindsight, after letting everything (my thoughts and my words) sink in for the past hour now, I realize the importance of reflection. Not just in a memory recording kind of way, but through pouring out purely before God. Each word, cry, bit of honesty is a step closer to reconciling heaven's perspective with my reality/circumstance.

I wrote this, "God, I need You to be more real in my life. I need to encounter You, I need to know it's You, I need to be able to recognize You with confidence. I do not want to go about my day, feeling all that I feel, shedding tears here and there, being awestruck and fascinated by the different snippets of my day, consumed in conversations that discuss cries of desperation for Your fresh touch, experiencing interactions that are heartfelt and warm my heart to its core, hearing Your community being a support to one another which blesses my heart.... I do not want to feel all this, yet still feel that the big question of Your reality in my heart unanswered."

After writing it down, it then hit me, God's presence has been manifesting ALL around me. God's presence is not just with me, in my heart where it tugs at the strings of my emotions, it manifests through conversations, through the tears in someone else's eyes as I ask, "Actually, have you accepted Christ before?" during a casual and "off-setting" conversation over refreshments, through the laughters and forehead creases as different ones discuss the dilemmas they face in their every other day over dinner, through the tears in someone else's eyes where I proclaim and declare the truth that "God loves you and wants to have a relationship with you" although I did not feel a certain"fire" in my bones that straight says GOD but mere excitement in my heart that was fighting to jump off my chest, through the passionate serving of others in His house, through people lifting their hands during worship as they immerse in the fullness of the "atmosphere", through the hugs and "how are you's?"...

I couldn't put two and two together because I was so stuck up in my thinking that God keeps leaving my questions unanswered. I was rigid and inflexible. I end up causing myself to be bitter... If only I would keep my heart open constantly and not be so stubborn with my own views. My head knows that God is good, but I had let my emotions get the better of me although I am fully aware of the falsehood of how emotions can become.

Jenn Johnson says that when we go about our days and we feel strongly about certain things in our hearts, or when we suddenly feel sad or burdened or we abruptly weep as we pass by a homeless person "without reason" during a fun and happy day, we ought to sit down and ask God, "What are You trying to say to me?"

Today, I wrote in my journal, "Father, why is it that I always feel these little nudges where my face turn'd constipated and I'd wanna cry, but when I get there (face constipated) my tear glands tease me, sometimes the tap opens and it flows, but sometimes the nudge just ends awkwardly and idk how to feel. But then it'd come back again after a while, and the cycle'd repeat itself."

"Why is it that I'd sometimes feel so strongly towards different things throughout my day, yet it's not like a build-up to where I receive a grand revelation from You in relation to those moments; then sometimes it'd feel like the thoughts that come with the emotions are left hanging as they're put to a pause & I continue with my day & they fade away into my day... But then some days it'd come back, or my tear glands go all icky again every now and then... It's as if it's a normal part of life which I'd come to accept."

I feel God saying that, when I react (consciously or subconsciously) to things around me, that's His heart beating in mine, and I have been feeling fragments of His emotions towards things around me, towards people whom He so loves...

My head may not understand it, but that is Him breaking my heart for what breaks His... That's me seeing the world through His eyes, feeling what He feels, catching a glimpse of His heart each time.

*Here are some videos which are very close to my heart. I first heard of "Adventure with the Holy Spirit" some years back, with Jenn's personality and her story of practising with the HS standing out in my memory. Recently, it's been ringing in my head, I'm so glad I looked it up again to include it here.



I was so glad when the first video ended and this second video was the suggested video. Its headline aptly reflects something I've been desiring to hear and learn more about. I am also tremendously blessed by it.



This song captivated my the first time I heard it.
Let this song be my prayer...



enjoy~

Real Convos 101

Great Read! - https://ymi.today/2018/02/tired-of-talking-about-the-weather/

TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER?

Feb 27, 2018/0 Comments/in Community, TOPICS /by Contributor

Written By Josiah Kennealy, USA

A while back, I got together with a friend over coffee. We were working on a project, and I noticed we weren’t on the same page. We were going to meet for one hour. We spent the first 45 minutes talking about sports and other trivial things. Just as I was about to bring up the issue I had asked us to get together about, my friend announced that he had to leave early. We had coffee and accomplished nothing. Even though I had an agenda, we wasted time talking about nothing significant, and I missed an opportunity.

This is what normal conversation looks like for a lot of people. We all do this at different times. Think about the number of times you’ve gotten together with a friend and spent several minutes or even a whole conversation talking about the weather.

A lot changed for me when I began dating the girl whom I am now married to. Right off the bat, she asked deep, intentional questions. With my wife, there is no such thing as a shallow or surface level conversation. At first, this felt very awkward and outside of my comfort zone. But having tasted the benefits of having meaningful conversations, and I don’t want to settle for anything less!

The Bible give us a few things to consider as we engage in everyday conversations, which I’ve found helpful.

1. Be wise

In Colossians 4:5, Paul says, “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.” Paul sees everyday conversations as opportunities to represent Jesus. He reminds us that we can stand out and represent God well in every text, email, post on social media, and face to face meeting. In a world that fills our time with conversations about the weather, let’s try to go deeper and talk about matters of the heart.

Paul starts his advice with the words “be wise”. Wisdom is the ability to apply our knowledge and understanding of God’s ways and will to our thoughts and actions. It is one of the main themes in the Bible, and it’s something we can pray for (James 1:5). When given the opportunity to ask God for anything, Solomon asked for wisdom. God loved that Solomon asked for wisdom so much that He also gave Solomon everything else that he could have wanted (1 Kings 2:7-15).

When we bring wisdom to our conversations, we bring purpose and meaning. We can glorify God. This will help us avoid missing opportunities.

2. Be bold

Making the most of every opportunity to minister with our words takes wisdom—and boldness.

Peter in the Bible is both an example of someone with boldness, as well as someone who lacks boldness. When Peter denied Jesus three times, he was probably the poorest example of boldness (Luke 22).

But months later, we see the same person on the opening day of the church in Acts 2, and something is different about him. Here, Peter preaches boldly to 3,000 people and they are all added to the early church. Boldness was given to Peter when the gift of the Holy Spirit was poured out at Pentecost, and it created such a stark difference! Where Peter once lacked boldness, he was now filled with it.

Like Peter, we can either approach conversations on our own (with fear) or with God (in faith). We can speak either out of our own insecurities, or our God-given confidence. In our own lives, boldness can take the shape of being willing to initiate, asking great questions, and leading deep conversations.

We don’t need to wait for someone else to start meaningful conversation. We are called to lead the way by initiating. Pick up the phone. Schedule the coffee appointment or meeting. Have someone over in your office or living room. We can ask open-ended questions instead of closed-ended questions, such as, “What was the highlight of your weekend?” instead of “Did you have a good weekend?”

Being bold can lead us to deep conversations that truly matter.  How many more times do we want to pause and say, “Well, it’s a nice day outside.” Why not ask the person we’re speaking with, “How’s it going inside your soul?” Let’s push beyond talking about the weather and get to the crux of the matter.

3. Be attentive and encouraging

All throughout the Bible, we are encouraged to “listen” more than we speak, whether it’s listening to God’s word (James 1:19), listening to good counsel (Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 5:1-23), or just listening to others in general.

Perhaps the most underrated component of our conversations is the ability to listen. Yet, studies show that much of communication is non-verbal. When we listen, nod, lean forward, smile and put away our cell phones, these small actions demonstrate that the person we are listening to is important!

After listening, we can reply with words that build up. One of my favorite things to do is to encourage other people. I don’t mind being encouraged, either! Who doesn’t? We hold incredible power in our mouths—the power of life and death (See Proverbs 18:21).

Ephesians 4:29 is one of my favorite verses: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” We aren’t merely called to make people feel good, but to meet their needs. We can do this by really listening, and using our words wisely.

4. Be willing to have crucial conversations

It’s natural for humans everywhere to put off hard conversations. We might find it awkward or unnatural to talk about purity and accountability, or we might find it difficult to ask for help, when in reality, we’re struggling at work. But the benefits of having a tough talk outweigh the consequences of avoiding them.

I remember when I first started dating my wife. I was too nervous to talk about my feelings for fear of being misunderstood, being hurt, or being rejected. It was not easy sharing my hopes, dreams and feelings with her. But I’m so glad I took that step! Having difficult conversations are so worth it when someone accepts you and how you feel.  I now have a meaningful relationship with her and we talk about anything and everything.

The decision is ours. Are you willing to step out of the land of familiar into a life with rewarding, riveting, and stimulating conversation?

When we are willing to be wise, bold, attentive, encouraging and have crucial conversations, we will discover the joy on the other side of the comfort zone!

There's always more.

Saturdays are church (sacred) days! :D It'd be the happiest day I look forward to every week, my literal sanctuary. Somedays, my ecstasy would be obscured by clouds of preoccupation as I prepare to chair.. which is a step to challenge my faith, as I desire to deliver my best in my most genuine self and faith... As I stand in front encouraging people about faith and God, I'd like my excitement to find its foundation in real experiences rather than pretense; I'd like my words to carry weight, truth and life instead of being based on habit or practice.

Saturdays are heartbreakers. The fantasy I'm induced into for that 5 hours or so makes it hard for me to say goodbye at the end of the night. Most days, I feel so out of touch from reality in that sweet span of 5 hours. Some days, I give myself a reality check during dinner time already so that my heart is not taken aback when it's time to go and things get hazy as my heart seeks to catch up with my mind/reality. It's always a hunch though, when I deliberately pop my bubble during dinner.

Last Saturday was probably my first time slightly 'dreading' to get out bed, to my own surprise! I had a sore throat, felt feverish, tired, head was slightly spinning. I was actually tempted to stay in and get some rest, have some me time. But circumstantially, it wasn't possible cuz I was set to chair and there'd be no replacement. Funny though, as I lied on my bed during the time I was supposed to frantically get ready, "Shouldn't you proclaim healing in Jesus name?," it felt oxymoronic as it's such a basic solution and one of the most common themes of testimony - hearing people receive healing when they deny the weakness of their flesh to continue serving. Most testimonies like that end with serving seamlessly, their illness fleeing their body, especially during serving that sometimes, they don't even remember.

The most human side of me felt like demarcating the line between the spiritual and physical. I prayed a quick and simple prayer anyway. Got up, and went to church. I waited out in the cold, felt like the wind was blowing me down, I wondered how was I to chair with a throat that sore. I intended to spend some quiet time on the bus en route to church, but I bumped into a friend & I was glad I had the opportunity to get to know her more. I had been hoping for such an opportunity since the course started in October, hoping that we'd grow from acquaintance to friends. I was pleasantly surprised to find that our minds are quite alike in some ways relating to things we hold dear in our hearts - as we discussed our families.

Anyway, long story short, service went really well. My pre-notion of returning home immediately after service was not fulfilled, I ended up staying till even the last of desserts. I got home, changed/showered & crashed immediately as I then felt sick again.

Throughout service, my unwell-ness fled & I forgot about it. I felt good as new. And bless my heart, I received many unexpected encouragements that were much needed and had many positive conversations with different ones around me. Met some new people, had good conversations, were encourage by others' living of their faiths, exchanged many warm hugs, cracked out like mad during dinner - I went home with a full heart.

Most of all, I was at peace as I experienced the healing power of God through my bones. It's always so affectionate to experience God so intimately... it's something I've been needing for a while, as I am on the search for a breakthrough in my life.

God, You are good! Thank you for not letting me decide to stop attending church. Despite my lack of faith, I came home with an increased faith because You are real, You are good.

An irony, isn't it? Might have not proclaimed God's power because of lack of faith, but obedience takes you a long way, & God knows exactly what I needed & He increased my faith by showing up. I was so close to failing the test.

// For with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

So shall I proclaim the same power for my BPTC course.

#keepthefaith

Enjoy!

A world silent as sighs speaks ever more the sound of a thankful soul.

Quiet always has something to say. – Torri Horness

Notes On The Way Series – Part 1

Take this quiet moment.
It is yours.
But pay attention,
for (ironic as it may be)
quiet always has
something to say.

The soundless sun settles on skin,
warms you to the bone –
it’s known you all these
years and loves you still.
Isn’t it amazing to recall
the marvellous days we’ve seen
under it’s good hearted gaze?

These moments soften us to life:
book in hand, dog at feet,
wild living waters a couple
breaths away, family near,
and the future bright as ever.

A world silent as sighs speaks ever more
the sound of a thankful soul.

Written by Torri Horness
(AKA: Notes On The Way)

“I love words, and how they create space for all of it to coexist – all of these self contradictory Yesses, the Hope and the None-of-it, the beauty and the heartache, the truth and the mystery.”

Find her at:
Instagram: @notesontheway
Twitter: @notesontheway
Etsy: etsy.com/People/torrihorness
Web: notesontheway.com

Thank you Pktfuel, once again!