Saturdays are church (sacred) days! :D It'd be the happiest day I look forward to every week, my literal sanctuary. Somedays, my ecstasy would be obscured by clouds of preoccupation as I prepare to chair.. which is a step to challenge my faith, as I desire to deliver my best in my most genuine self and faith... As I stand in front encouraging people about faith and God, I'd like my excitement to find its foundation in real experiences rather than pretense; I'd like my words to carry weight, truth and life instead of being based on habit or practice.
Saturdays are heartbreakers. The fantasy I'm induced into for that 5 hours or so makes it hard for me to say goodbye at the end of the night. Most days, I feel so out of touch from reality in that sweet span of 5 hours. Some days, I give myself a reality check during dinner time already so that my heart is not taken aback when it's time to go and things get hazy as my heart seeks to catch up with my mind/reality. It's always a hunch though, when I deliberately pop my bubble during dinner.
Last Saturday was probably my first time slightly 'dreading' to get out bed, to my own surprise! I had a sore throat, felt feverish, tired, head was slightly spinning. I was actually tempted to stay in and get some rest, have some me time. But circumstantially, it wasn't possible cuz I was set to chair and there'd be no replacement. Funny though, as I lied on my bed during the time I was supposed to frantically get ready, "Shouldn't you proclaim healing in Jesus name?," it felt oxymoronic as it's such a basic solution and one of the most common themes of testimony - hearing people receive healing when they deny the weakness of their flesh to continue serving. Most testimonies like that end with serving seamlessly, their illness fleeing their body, especially during serving that sometimes, they don't even remember.
The most human side of me felt like demarcating the line between the spiritual and physical. I prayed a quick and simple prayer anyway. Got up, and went to church. I waited out in the cold, felt like the wind was blowing me down, I wondered how was I to chair with a throat that sore. I intended to spend some quiet time on the bus en route to church, but I bumped into a friend & I was glad I had the opportunity to get to know her more. I had been hoping for such an opportunity since the course started in October, hoping that we'd grow from acquaintance to friends. I was pleasantly surprised to find that our minds are quite alike in some ways relating to things we hold dear in our hearts - as we discussed our families.
Anyway, long story short, service went really well. My pre-notion of returning home immediately after service was not fulfilled, I ended up staying till even the last of desserts. I got home, changed/showered & crashed immediately as I then felt sick again.
Throughout service, my unwell-ness fled & I forgot about it. I felt good as new. And bless my heart, I received many unexpected encouragements that were much needed and had many positive conversations with different ones around me. Met some new people, had good conversations, were encourage by others' living of their faiths, exchanged many warm hugs, cracked out like mad during dinner - I went home with a full heart.
Most of all, I was at peace as I experienced the healing power of God through my bones. It's always so affectionate to experience God so intimately... it's something I've been needing for a while, as I am on the search for a breakthrough in my life.
God, You are good! Thank you for not letting me decide to stop attending church. Despite my lack of faith, I came home with an increased faith because You are real, You are good.
An irony, isn't it? Might have not proclaimed God's power because of lack of faith, but obedience takes you a long way, & God knows exactly what I needed & He increased my faith by showing up. I was so close to failing the test.
// For with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
So shall I proclaim the same power for my BPTC course.
#keepthefaith
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