My friend sent this to me.
Wednesday, May 27
Monday, May 25
stepping stone
thank you for being the help that i need.
i love you both.
p.s. https://bethelmusic.com/videos/it-is-well-song-story-kristene-dimarco
Monday, May 11
Tuesday, May 5
the bigger picture
The other day after service, we went for lunch as usual with the homies with Jade sitting next to me. I was still recovering from the madness throughout the week, and hadn't fully settled in my right mind yet. As we went for the bill, I told Jade whilst pointing out the happy family of four at the corner, where the mum was settling one kid, and the dad another, "Wow. The simple life. Wouldn't it be nice to just marry off and live the simple life?"
"I smack you," Jade said.
Pat then joined in the fun, and laughed along with me, as she went on chatting about her future 'simple life' scenario, these 'ideal' dreams that we simply wish were not that farfetched, lol.
Seriously though, I found myself wondering, "would that really be what I want?" As much as I was aware I said it just at the spur of the moment, without any intentions at all, at that moment, a part of me, sorta gave in to hmm, defeat, complacency, and just decided to entertain that silly notion.
It also got me thinking, wow, do I really even need to go to law school at the first place? Like law school is tough man, it's hard. Was it silly of me to put myself through all this, all these challenges that drain me like never before, these new experiences of really tasting 'the going gets tough'.. Like, in life, there are choices, and I could freely chosen the easy way out. Maybe I could have gone and went on with something which I already established that golden touch before. Thus life'd be so much easier. Or I could just crawl back to my KK corner, and be fully embraced by KK love, safe and secure in a cocoon. "Why put yourself through the pain?"
I wondered and tried to visualize, how'd it be like, to live the 'easy' life? And the image that popped up in my head was from last March, me lying restlessly on my mum's bed in my shorts and tee, with the fan spinning, the heat just invading the atmosphere, I flipped through the channels continuously, bouncing back and forth between the same few channels, scrolled through the social media apps in my phone back and forth, me dreading the idea of sleep to kill time - it felt like I slept so much that my eyes were so sick of it... I remember feeling so inspired by some meaningful movies that I'd come across, wishing I'd have that experience, hoping that I can make a change in the world, have something that I can call mine too, instead of sitting down there... rotting. Like, yes, the word to put it is 'rotting'. I was desperately looking for something to fill that void inside of me..... life felt so stagnant and meaningless...
it'd drain the soul out of me. it's not me..
>> which reminds me of what Ps Andy said during Revo Party.
Ps Andy said that humans, we are built for adventures. God has created each and every one of us to be curious, always searching for more. He shared that what conceals this fact and belief which in turn lies to people that they're prone to complacency and are simply 'not the adventurous type', is our past mistakes and failures. We are afraid of disappointments, hence we choose to let fear halt us, and choose not to even start trying..
"I smack you," Jade said.
Pat then joined in the fun, and laughed along with me, as she went on chatting about her future 'simple life' scenario, these 'ideal' dreams that we simply wish were not that farfetched, lol.
Seriously though, I found myself wondering, "would that really be what I want?" As much as I was aware I said it just at the spur of the moment, without any intentions at all, at that moment, a part of me, sorta gave in to hmm, defeat, complacency, and just decided to entertain that silly notion.
It also got me thinking, wow, do I really even need to go to law school at the first place? Like law school is tough man, it's hard. Was it silly of me to put myself through all this, all these challenges that drain me like never before, these new experiences of really tasting 'the going gets tough'.. Like, in life, there are choices, and I could freely chosen the easy way out. Maybe I could have gone and went on with something which I already established that golden touch before. Thus life'd be so much easier. Or I could just crawl back to my KK corner, and be fully embraced by KK love, safe and secure in a cocoon. "Why put yourself through the pain?"
I wondered and tried to visualize, how'd it be like, to live the 'easy' life? And the image that popped up in my head was from last March, me lying restlessly on my mum's bed in my shorts and tee, with the fan spinning, the heat just invading the atmosphere, I flipped through the channels continuously, bouncing back and forth between the same few channels, scrolled through the social media apps in my phone back and forth, me dreading the idea of sleep to kill time - it felt like I slept so much that my eyes were so sick of it... I remember feeling so inspired by some meaningful movies that I'd come across, wishing I'd have that experience, hoping that I can make a change in the world, have something that I can call mine too, instead of sitting down there... rotting. Like, yes, the word to put it is 'rotting'. I was desperately looking for something to fill that void inside of me..... life felt so stagnant and meaningless...
it'd drain the soul out of me. it's not me..
>> which reminds me of what Ps Andy said during Revo Party.
Ps Andy said that humans, we are built for adventures. God has created each and every one of us to be curious, always searching for more. He shared that what conceals this fact and belief which in turn lies to people that they're prone to complacency and are simply 'not the adventurous type', is our past mistakes and failures. We are afraid of disappointments, hence we choose to let fear halt us, and choose not to even start trying..
Recently, I had forgotten to count my blessings..
I had been taking for granted what could not have been mine, if otherwise..
What a shame, i'm sorry.
*
we fight not because God is safe,
we fight because God is good.
Monday, May 4
Saturday, May 2
tumblr
“When your mind wants to bolt, but your heart hangs on, it is because you don’t know with absolute certainty what the truth is. When you waste so much time on something that you want to believe is true, you begin to overthink things. Eventually, something obvious becomes twisted into something absurd, which keeps us from believing a simpler answer. Over time, you believe your own lies and fantasies to shield yourself from hurt, when following what is logical would have been the quickest way to healing. It is through your own self-imposed delusions that you lose your perspective. The world then becomes different to you when in fact you are different. Why? Because your own ego gets in the way. Everyone wants to feel special. Everyone wants to have faith in others. Everyone wants to believe in fairytales, happy endings and have all bad interactions with others explained. It is easier to sit in denial with your delusions and pray God will intervene, not realizing he has. He gave you commonsense and intuition, but you didn’t like how it made you feel. This is what true mental illness really is: Following your gut instinct through hell because you want to prove you are right, either to yourself or others. You sacrifice choosing to do right, in order to avoid pain. However, you don’t realize that you have been in pain for a really long time and believed this was how happiness felt.”
— Shannon L. Alder
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