my God is so B.I.G!: February 2014

Friday, February 28

The art of letting go

You know, about the thing that happened in December, I've decided to let it go. It actually feels really free to let go, because I was unhappy, and probably angry, cuz I don't think that emotions should dominate your behaviours. It's really unfair to just blow someone off just cuz maybe somewhere, something's just poking you, and warming up your nerves. If it was before, I don't think I'd be holding on to a grudge. I don't practice confrontations, so I'd rather let it pass, rather than confronting that person for his/her own good (as some would say), I guess I'm just a bit of a selfish person. When we started talking again after leaving for different places, I held myself back from my normal enthusiasm, which was pretty tough cuz I'm not used to this, and I wasn't sure how to put myself out there to the right extent. I decided to be angry, to reserve some ego for myself, as I thought I deserved to be. But then, truth is, I don't think that person knows his/her faults, and since I don't do confrontations, he/she will never find out, and what, am I just gonna stay angry forever? The feeling of putting years of friendship at stake just cuz I wanted to feel worthy and better just didn't seem too ideal, and hence I was just torn apart.

As I was reading a friend's blog, it struck me as to how much she's trying to live every day up to God's expectations. I was moved by her stories, and it got me thinking as to how much I lack, how off-track I'm getting, and how much I'm far behind from what I'm supposed to do. At that point, letting go of that issue just seemed natural, and I wasn't worried that people would think that I'm soft for being forgiving. It felt like the right thing to do and also what God would've wanted me to do. It felt great, and I'm feeling so much at ease for being myself again.

I've been lost, confused, hurt, discouraged by the twist and turns life promises. Feeling defeated and drained at times, I guess I forgot that I wasn't in control. Even the simplest things in life seemed so puzzling, and I just slowly lost sight of what's supposed to be. The act of forgiving, is supposed to be the most basic, fundamental principle, just as Christ died to forgive our sins. Yet, there were times where I doubted whether I should.

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turns out mariah love seems to be sharing that same notion too ;)

Thursday, February 27

I need a U-turn

As I was reading Chloe's blog, it really struck me.
Am I where God would want me to be?
Is this who I am supposed to be?
I feel like I've changed from one person to another.
I'm not sure..
Something's gotta be fixed...

HIMYM < 3

another show that changed my life, sorta. :)

Lily tells Ted,

“the biggest mistake would be

not to make that mistake,

because then you’ll go your whole life

not knowing if something was

a mistake or not.”

Sometimes, it’s best to take the route that you’ll think you’ll regret.

If the reward is worth the risk, then you should go for it.

You never know what you’ll gain by doing so.

Who knows, maybe you’ll discover that it wasn’t a mistake at all.

Wednesday, February 26

And again, "thank you"

Interesting read! :)

--> http://www.elitedaily.com/dating/sex/the-difference-between-falling-in-love-when-you-are-ready-and-just-when-you-are-lonely/

chopped my hair. just trimmed the ends :)

Monday, February 24

#100happydays - Challenge Accepted >:)

Annabelle said that I'm addicted to HIMYM, truth is, I just really enjoy watching it, so yeah. :)

Melbourne had been wonderful, despite the fact that my own fault with the cab driver who tried to rip me off freaked myself out. Lol. I tried to tell people about what happened cuz I was just in desperate need of inner peace. :P I'm just that silly >.<

Now that I'm back, I need to catch up with my studies since I've skipped a week of classes, and also I've been losing track since last December. I'm not the biggest fan of skipping church services for other things to do, but seems like I've been shoved into that corner nowadays. It's no excuse, so I really need to pray for focus, determination and strength to get me to where I'm supposed to be. I'm really sorry.
Furthermore, I just lack motivation to attend classes. They don't seem to be the most appealing places to be :/ It's just... a lil.. less interesting. The social environment in college is so different compared to before, maybe I'm just not used to it.

Anyway, Manchester University has offered me a conditional offer which is great! I'm just not sure if that's where I'm gonna go this year. I mean, everything is tentative, and nothing is confirmed. So I'm kinda like sitting on a fence, I just don't know. I just wanna not think so much and just study the hardest, and I just hope that I can.

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p.s. I just realised that I can't put up with people who don't mean what they say. Even the littlest things, their accountability is really at stake.

Anyways, Imma sleep! nights :)) <3 p="">