The art of letting go

You know, about the thing that happened in December, I've decided to let it go. It actually feels really free to let go, because I was unhappy, and probably angry, cuz I don't think that emotions should dominate your behaviours. It's really unfair to just blow someone off just cuz maybe somewhere, something's just poking you, and warming up your nerves. If it was before, I don't think I'd be holding on to a grudge. I don't practice confrontations, so I'd rather let it pass, rather than confronting that person for his/her own good (as some would say), I guess I'm just a bit of a selfish person. When we started talking again after leaving for different places, I held myself back from my normal enthusiasm, which was pretty tough cuz I'm not used to this, and I wasn't sure how to put myself out there to the right extent. I decided to be angry, to reserve some ego for myself, as I thought I deserved to be. But then, truth is, I don't think that person knows his/her faults, and since I don't do confrontations, he/she will never find out, and what, am I just gonna stay angry forever? The feeling of putting years of friendship at stake just cuz I wanted to feel worthy and better just didn't seem too ideal, and hence I was just torn apart.

As I was reading a friend's blog, it struck me as to how much she's trying to live every day up to God's expectations. I was moved by her stories, and it got me thinking as to how much I lack, how off-track I'm getting, and how much I'm far behind from what I'm supposed to do. At that point, letting go of that issue just seemed natural, and I wasn't worried that people would think that I'm soft for being forgiving. It felt like the right thing to do and also what God would've wanted me to do. It felt great, and I'm feeling so much at ease for being myself again.

I've been lost, confused, hurt, discouraged by the twist and turns life promises. Feeling defeated and drained at times, I guess I forgot that I wasn't in control. Even the simplest things in life seemed so puzzling, and I just slowly lost sight of what's supposed to be. The act of forgiving, is supposed to be the most basic, fundamental principle, just as Christ died to forgive our sins. Yet, there were times where I doubted whether I should.

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turns out mariah love seems to be sharing that same notion too ;)