the world through my eyes

I think that I'm a bit bipolar.
Last week I was on full blast on the optimism path! I heard my roomie out, and talked to here, helped her out, and that the world is a beautiful place to live in, and everything seemed to make sense at the moment. The weekend came, and I did nothing productive, so I was holding that feeling inside of me, and I felt suffocated again. That was yesterday and today. My mum asked if I was okay, and it felt great that my mum could feel something was off though I didn't say much/never mentioned anything in specific. I had been feeling lonely, solitary, worried about the future, worried about the people in my life. Whether the previous ones, amazing people who are the loves of my life, the people I fell in love with, I was worried that they'd move on, and fall out of love with me and forget me. And I worry about the current people in my life, whether they're gonna be here for long, or they're just gonna go poof! if they feel something better is coming their way, or they'd just go away when their future takes way.

I'm okay now though, I miss the counsellor, my best-friend-wannabe lulz :D I miss talking to her, as if no one is going to judge me, and that there isn't anything wrong to be me. I feel like disclosing the thought of myself being socially awkward, though that had never been something to worry about, and I don't want to admit it. I want to talk to her about these scattering thoughts in my head, the self-peps etc, but I am not sure how to start and I don't want it to get awkward - there, socially awkward =.=

I will get better though, I always will :) tmr's is daddy dearest birthday, the greatest man I've ever met in the world, I'm so damn grateful. Wednesday's Bubura's, Sanny's, Cassy's birthday. All of my great buddies. Bubura's like one of my soulmates, she's one of my greatest pal in my whole life =) #sodamngrateful Sanny's a cutie pie, left a significant footprint in my life too, and Cassy's just a wonderful soul, #sodamngratefulagain

Sometimes, I'm affected on my decision to attend prom/council stuff etc and all that 'crap', I'm sorry, but like I promised myself, I'm not gonna let it affect me, I choose not to let it affect me, I feel like I'm so much more worthier than that.. hahaha.

And another thing, I'm fat and ugly. Haha, I can't wait to be pretty and prettier :P
Maybe not, but I just gained weight, and i wished I could look prettier instead of looking tired always >.<

She's such an inspiration, so gorgeous :)

so true!!! hahaha

*****