#poofeelings #screwhormones

i feel like poo man.
i just feel so abominably awful.
im not sure why this happened despite today was a really good day.
i just feel like crap.
i think it's the caffeine thats working it in my body.
but who cares, i just feel like shet.
and i think im about to catch a flu, so the feeling where the sneeze feels like coming but doesnt just makes me feel like i wanna cry, but it's actually just the flu.
can't wait for the flu to invade my body, so that i can crash nicely.
i'm just so tired.
sometimes tired of trying to keep up with people, tired of initiating.
tired of not being treated like how i thought i would be.
it's not bad honestly.
sometimes i dont understand why other people get it so well.
i feel like i've done so much more, where all other people do is whine and be mean, but they get the friends.
i mean like what happened to the senses around?
screw this piece of crap.
i'm ok actually, it's just the sudden feeling that's taking over my emotions now.
sometimes i feel like going all waterworks, but it's like being repressed, it just doesnt happen.
the optimism doesn't feel that natural, it feels like im working so freaking damn hard to be optimistic, telling myself good things are bound to come.
i can't wait to have time of my own, to clear my head, sitting down, ignoring the world around me.
you know how in movies, there's this person who'd be in deep freaking thoughts, and the world just moves on without that person realizing it?
i think i need that moment now.
i don't want to be putting effort every, day, it's so tiring.
and sometimes it feels unfair, why do i put in all the effort?
why just me?
damn it.
i'm not blaming God tho, im just expressing myself.
it's like i know all the perfect sentences to each problems,
but i just feel like crap.
family has always been the refuge.
but lately i really don't want to think about her.
it's not good nor is it healthy im sorry.
but sometimes i just feel so stressed and repressed and controlled...
i just can't breath.
just give me space.
pls.
space and time.
thats all i need.

now i gotta friggin' finish my econs hw even tho i have no idea why and caffeine's stirring like a pothole in my belly where my brain is drained. pls ms Malathy, give me more time next time pls.
i just feel suffocated.

i need, to breath.