Life's like this

Yesterday's endeavours :33

~

Today's teaser ;)

sobering up

since when did this become such a norm?

yet i still live with a tingling feeling within me

& my heart breaks a little

 each time i see/hear/read...

family. ♥

Being away from home this time around, really has brought the family closer together than ever. I have been talking to my parents almost every day recently, ever since an episode, & just when I wondered if I'm doing it too much thereby causing it to 'lackluster', dad said "sorry I'm busy now, but hearing your voice is enough. We'll talk again soon,"; mum said, "Okay, wake up, have a good day. I'm calling just to hear your voice. Alright bye." My parents aren't mushy people, but I suppose we're all learning to grow vulnerable as we grow in love. Really thank God for creating power of support & relationships in families.

For those who have not a "good" family in your sense, I trust that God won't give you anything you can't handle. & that He'll send people into your life, that you can choose to be your family. & even when people fail, if all else fails, always remember that you've always got a family you can find in Christ! & that you've got a Father who'll never disappoint, nor leave you. :)

Here's an exchange of selfies between me & my Kakak of 25yrs!
She's another significant woman behind my life, my happiness
(especially with food - which I've grown to appreciate so much more now that I'm in the UK).

without you Kakak, I only eat this packet bread. :p

 ❤️,

My Jesus

*photo taken during my assignment crunch time.

reminds me of the time I used to do this 

cuz I was scared that God wasn't with me;

had to remind myself that 

despite the anguish I was living, 

as far as God felt from me,

He is real.

He died on the cross for me.

& that He sees me sitting in that classroom 

filled with the people he created, 

in the world he created.

I was scared that I'll ever forget that God was there/real.

Scared that God left me as the rotten apple,

& He was busy making other people happy.

Oh gone are those days, 

naive lil me, silly lil me, 

You were there all along.

thank You my Lord. 

:)

my double-edged sword;

Happy Valentine's Day!

Here's some good stuff:

https://www.girldefined.com/handle-desire-boyfriend-2

https://www.girldefined.com/why-having-sex-boyfriend-isnt-true-expression-love

Enjoy wisdom & righteousness :) ;)

Being transformed into His image day by day...

May you, dear friend, shed conformity and seek to live a life of transformations; of being changed from glory to glory, through the good and the bad, so that you can be who you are meant to be in a world that needs you to be the truest you that you can be.

Our feelings don't surprise God, yet feelings don't rule our lives.

We live in an emotionally tuned-in culture. But what happens when all these emotions aren't telling us the truth?

"What I have found instead is that fulfillment, peace, joy and health on the inside are, ironically, often found by doing the exact opposite of what we feel like doing in the moment. Our feelings don’t rule our lives. 

That is why we must question them. It is helpful, healthy and humbling to admit that maybe what we feel is flat-out wrong." 

"I am convinced that an awareness of God’s care for us is the key to emotional sanity. Life is too big, too unknown and too confusing for us to figure it out on our own. God is our God. He is our salvation. Our souls can find their hope in him."

Read more at
www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/judah-smith-feelings-dont-rule-our-lives#6vhwAYgZmYUMX9Bj.99 :) 

super good read! we could always use this :)

Dream Village

One day I was chatting with a close friend.

She was working on a church project that involves setting up a place that conducts budget and affordable trading of goods, with the intention to attract the underprivileged community. If I'm not mistaken, part of the project includes hiring/selling formal work outfits and running workshops to equip those who never got the opportunity to be trained, to attend and nail a work interview.

This idea is so noble, it truly moves my heart.

As we were chatting away, I thought aloud,

"Hey, wouldn't it be cool if there was a place e.g. a community/building/area/neighborhood that includes a variety of businesses, professions ran by believers. I can totally see Eld Dan running a cafe, then in between his job, he'd come out from behind the counter with a hot cup of coffee, and go sit with one of the customers and start a conversation with that person. The conversation could start off casually, but with the spirit, discernment & genuine building of rapport, the love of God can be translated and conveyed to the customer.

I can also see a legal practice, a gym, boutiques, pre-school, shops ran by Christians. When each visitor passes by between places, he'd sense this familiarity, warmth and friendliness amongst those business owners or people around. As the visitor goes around, he'd exchange meaningful conversations with the people around. His single heartfelt encounter does not have to end there, as he goes around again, it'd continue/happen with most people he crosses paths with. It'd begin as a pleasant surprise, but slowly grows to become a norm. The sowing of seeds can persist through, whilst certain people can play the role of watering the seeds, some may fertilize them...

Oh, and on Sundays, the whole place/community shuts down and everyone goes to church/Sunday gathering somewhere around the corner. Some businesses may open again after church service to hold lunch sessions amongst different ones.

This place would contain unity, the speaking of one language.
We'd all be on the same page, purely living out the love of God.
It'd be so ideally consistent that a visitor who comes by have no choice but to adapt.
Then we pray, that harvest time is just not long after that.

It's like a dream community or village... hey! that's literally Dream Village."

My friend: And that's what Ps Kenneth has always aspired for.

Testimony birthed by Acts Church; Dated 3/4/16

My story goes like this.  

I officially rooted down in Acts when I started my uni. But before Uni, I was also in KL, I visited Acts PJ but I hadn't rooted down because, 

1) I was still new to leaving home for studies 
2) I was still church hopping 
3) I went back to KK a lot.  

My memory of Acts PJ is really vague, but it's still significant because it made me feel different in a way I've never felt before. I remember during one of my first few visits to Acts PJ, I hadn't entered the hall, yet just stepping on the foyer listening to worship songs brought tears to my eyes, I wept and there was this peace and comfort settling me down. It was a really refreshing touch. It didn't stop there, it happened most of the times I visited Acts.  

So when uni came, that's also when I went through the common identity crisis, I questioned my purpose of life, of my creation and there grew a sense of desperation to get to know my creator again.  

What made me choose Acts over the other church I was considering, was of course because I felt very at home, natural, very real, & also where I see how God is so real in our lives.  

 I was really drawn to the genuine passion amongst the members, & very inspired by what they do and believe in. And Acts actually developed that kind of personal and intimate relationship between me with God, I can really say (in a dramatic way that) my life changed in how I learnt how to really incorporate God into my life, I learnt a new sense of dependency on God.  

I've grown so much in my journey ever since. And I'm not saying my life was all unicorn and rainbows ever since then, I was going through some really rough patches in my life, yet i continue to find strength week after week in church, I got to really taste of His promises personally, in this context, His grace was truly sufficient. It was truly refreshing for me. For a long time my faith was fueled by others people's testimony, knowing the goodness of God through other people's experience. & throughout my journey in Acts, being part of discipleship, I got to see His promises translating into moments in my life.  

It's really amazing. I also found that new sense of purpose that drives me to keep going in life despite not having things figured out, which is most of the time, finding peace amidst uncertainties through faith.  

One thing I really love about Acts is also unity in diversity - coming together for the same purpose - helping people believe. 

Internship Testimonial

This time last year, I had an opportunity to intern at the Subang Jaya State Assemblyman Office for two months. What triggered this decision was an "identity crisis" that I experienced, I was uninspired & felt void of purpose, not knowing what to do with my life/future. (I'm sure many of you can relate). Initially hesitant due to my lack of political awareness and understanding, it ended up as one of the most valuable experience in my life.

I previously always carried a “bystander” approach towards the idea of “patriotism”, playing the “young” & “none of my business” card whenever it came to politics. Ignorance also led me to comment critically towards the happenings in the state despite not knowing what I was talking about, because it felt like the socially perceived right thing to do. Upon completing my internship though, I gained this sense of belonging and purpose & learnt that there's always a place for me to serve in my community, there's just so so much more to be done. I also left with a new-found sense of affection towards a land – Sabah (my home) and of course, Malaysia.

During my internship, I was exposed to the working mechanisms of governance in a state as a first-hand witness. I finally cleared this hazy idea & understood the connecting dots between a citizen (myself) and those who promised to be my representative of my voice in this country – our nation leaders. I now actually know who to go to whenever I hear/encounter an issue instead of feeling helpless all the time. I also learnt to be a smarter reader - to not naively believe everything I see on the news/social medias, & be baited into believing what others want me to believe. Many truths can be twisted, and many good deeds go unannounced.

One of my undertakings during the internship included engaging with the residents, finding out what their needs are and then work towards meeting those needs. The system and concept is as simple and organic as that, yet we still find so so many even basic needs unmet e.g. poverty, lack of education, statelessness... To achieve our desired results, it’s a no-brainer that we’ve got to do honour legality to be able to fulfill the equation.

Transformation of Malaysia may take generations. But change can also begin when we choose to take ownership of our own individual capacity as a citizen of Malaysia to do our parts in making our country a better home during our lifetime (whilst paving ways for our next generation as well). If you want to see change, you’ve got to take matters into your own hands and play your part.

Be it
- to be a part of politics
- to educate yourselves about politics rather than relying on hearsay
- to do your job with excellence and integrity
- to do an internship!!!
- to be kind to one another in your daily engagements & reflecting them in our laws
- or simply to continue believing and hoping in this country - it is all a seed worth sowing.

Though mostly perceived as ‘flawed’, I consider it our privilege to be able to experience this season of hustle and bustle that’s going to make history in our nation. Having the foretaste of it may seem daunting, but we know that the best has yet to come! So don't give up, make yourselves useful & do something different with your life today. :) (it's easier than you think!)

Faith-carven Fate'17

As always, this is a long overdue post. The lustre in me to blog, has slowly dampened... Maybe it’s got to do with procrastination or confidence issues... Who knows? But back to what that matters...

It’s the second week of January, the semester has commenced and it feels fresh as ever!! I spent the first week of the year still, unfortunately, tussling with procrastination, but I’m grateful that the second week swooped in in time and I am happy to have completed my Revenue law tutorial! :) When the lecturer basically repeated what I’ve read before, that elevation of mood in me is a good, start to the year.

The last few weeks of 2016 were filled with gatherings with different ones. Throughout this time, sometimes I felt afloat through the social events that were in line. Many a time, I felt that I was running dry like an automobile machine that’s been running all day. Cooling down by sleeping, resting were apparently not enough - thus ruling out the introversion rationalization? I knew there was a void inside, I was thirsty from this hollowness, a void that can’t be filled by busyness on the outside. Through it all, I was seeking and yearning for a meaningful closure so that my heart can be full again to end the year/birthday. 

In December, even as the church prepared to escort the new year in with a big BAM!, I also wanted to prepare my heart to welcome 2017 in with a fresh attitude, fresh revelation. The church’s take on 2017 is expecting the year to be crowned with His goodness, no matter what. As the year drew to a close, I felt the word, FAITH deposited in my heart.

I remember feeling how lightweight that word was, as I thought of it on the tube. I realized that maybe throughout the hustle and bustle, I had neglected the essence of faith. 

I reconsidered what living a life of faith means - doing things without worrying what the outcome is, and leaving them into the hands of God and fully trusting Him. I asked myself, “how long have you not done this for?” A life of faith includes taking risks - all risks are calculated risks if God is included in the plan in the first place. I recounted this season of constantly playing safe, and needing to have it all figured out all the time during this new chapter of my life in the UK. I was reminded of what Jade said to me before, “maybe you’re so worn out because you’ve been doing this all by your own strength.” It made me think again, of what letting go really means. 

“It is like investing in friendships, and even though you may not feel it’s reciprocated equally, you don’t grow weary/disappointed and stop investing/sowing/trying/doing your best... You do it unto faith, unto God. You don’t give up on people even after these ‘disappointments’...” as I shared with Clarissa my random epiphany on the tube.

Where life/relationships are concerned, it appeals to me another lesson - that is to stop taking things so personally. This resonates with a Bible verse that I read yesterday, 

“Run away from infantile indulgence. Run after mature righteousness - faith, love, peace - joining those who are in honest and serious prayer before God. Refuse to get involved in inane discussions; they always end up in fights. God’s servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil’s trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands.”- 2 Tim 2:22-26 (MSG)

> Living simply - the truth is as truthful and as simple as it is.
> Doing my part - loving people, then let God do the sobering and changing of hearts.
> Loving people - in and with FAITH : you sow into relationships knowing in faith that they’re worth it (even though you may not be able to see the fruits)
> Living in peace - Whatever you do, your peace should never be stolen from you. (e.g. studies/traveling)
> To have faith - that everything is really, going to be okay. (Trusting the unknown - despite my feelings/emotions)

Thank You Jesus! I am mega ecstatic to journey on 2017 with You.
p.s. can't wait for some to finally sober up! ;P

- Righteousness = | faith | love | peace | - 

"Crazy Love"

isn't it a comfort to worship a God that we cannot exaggerate?

The Seeing Eye

“Looking for God — or Heaven — by exploring space is like reading or seeing all Shakespeare’s plays in the hope you will find Shakespeare as one of the characters or Stratford as one of the places. Shakespeare is in one sense present at every moment in every play. But he is never present in the same way as Falstaff or Lady Macbeth, nor is he diffused through the play like a gas.

“If there were an idiot who thought plays exist on their own, without an author, our belief in Shakespeare would not be much affected by his saying, quite truly, that he had studied all the plays and never found Shakespeare in them…..

“To some, God is discoverable everywhere; to others, nowhere. Those who do not find him on earth are unlikely to find him in space. (Hang it all, we’re in space already; every year we go a huge circular tour in space.) But send up a saint in a spaceship and he’ll find God in space as he found God on earth. Much depends on the seeing eye.”

hi :)

Christmas is coming soon!

another year, coming to an end so quickly.

maybe i'll come back & drop some updates soon ;)

till then, xx