oh no...

feeling them  itsy bitsy anxieties in my belleh.. :(

missing annabelle and home soo much :(

p.s. plastering photos all over my wall today.

Home away from home :-)

harrow

These few days spent at Cassy's have been splendid - I am so grateful. She's been the best company, so genuine and her bubbly cousin was lovely as well.

I miss so many people. I miss lala, timun and so many others. And some times moments of insecurity hit again, and it's terrible. Anywho, I just gotta have faith. I'm thankful for so many things - people around me, life given, family, who I really am.

moving into Suriamas tomorrow - wish me luck!! haha. I'm pretty excited.

Goodnight world. Cheers, to new beginnings! < 3

Sweet pie

Hakunana matatata x Hercules x2

what a bad photo LOL :P

had KFC, one of the worst :'( but it was a good day all in all.

ma girlfriend I've known for years, but never better till now.

HAHA.

so fetch~

happy birthday Michelle Teo! :)

What an eventful week!

Went to have Prefects' Lunch on Monday, with the gang.

Tuesday stayed home cuz of cramps, while preparing my heart to go back to KL, while figuring things out with accomdation in KL.

Wednesday went rock-climbing with Nic Tan, CYC, Tim. Had dinner at Maple. And didn't manage to get Just Berrys :( Great dinner nevertheless. Had fish head noodles and fried wet noodles? Haha.

Thursday went to do IC, and went out with the mooters :) i've missed em so much. Charly ma lil boy, Rav and Viv. was struck with headache at night :( bummer, wanted to go out with timon.

Friday, went to Parkson with the mother, then BAH KUT TEH < 3 ahhh so so so good. Stayed home to do Maths at night - brought back so much memories, and packed the old clothes for Sat's activity.

Saturday, woke up at 6 am (so damn difficult >.<) had maggi with prawns, went to Bub's hse. Went with Jaclyn's car, mistaken her as having a lil sis (just like my mum) and saw James too. Jaclyn's so lovely! Upon arriving san damiano girls hostel kiulu, I puked a bit of maggie and I decided for the 3rd time maybe to not ever have maggi again, it's so unhealthy and uncomfortable O.O Had light breakfast then moved on to teach the girls Maths. Some were really smart and sharp, the rest would do well with proper guidance and much more exercise :) great expereince neverhteless! Had lunch, saw Uncle Callistus. They were like, "Oh, it's Annabelle Yap's sister!!!" okay. Went home, bonded with bub :) and jac, then Aunty sent me home. Turned on the air-con and had the best nap ever till 5.15pm, showered then went to church but arrived only at 6pm, mom wasn't happy. My eyes were so red idk why.  I wore glasses. Chlo and Lau didn't go, but Fiona did :D

Then at 7.10, timon called lol, then we went to makan KFC (food was bad :( ), and then bought a neckpillow for Choon Ying, and timon said his was a bit girly, but it's nice haha. I was a bit sad, just a little bad, but felt more awkward and disappointed overall. It was funny. Then Hercules for the second time but at RM 12, then home :))

love ya, mwah

i'll figure this out in a bit

Went for my review at Dr Melinda's today. She said I am on the right track, and expects me to be flawless in Dec. Damn, I've just spent another big bulk of kachings which sums up to 1k already. It better be good. Haha.

So abs accompanied me to spend some time, before joining Yau, Pete and Ham for brekky. Dad came to pick me up and told me that he's just settled a deal with CYC's parents. I was so excited,  cuz CYC is such a niceeeee lad! This brings mr back to the fond memories I have from high school, from J3. 

During the first week of school, I was being my usual self laughing like a mad woman, and getting hyped up with my friends like SK, Celine, Nic Tan, ah Heng maybe?, Leong and CYC. I asked, "What do u want to do in the future?" "做警察吧。。" "这样就要好好读书!" and I think I said something that goes along, "做警察就要保护我” “你要好好读书，要做警察保护我ah，不是meh?" That's how sparks flew LOL. I sat with him once, and I'll always rmb his demeanor. He always has his left hand supporting his head that he often tilts downwards, and his eyes would swing around and occasionally left, to check someone out. Haha. And I rmb sitting really close to the edge of the table cuz he was just sooo close to me. Haha. And whenever my stationery fell to the floor, he'd be the first to reach for them, and quickly returned them to me. Haha. Once in a while, I'd pick them up and he would too, and there'd be accidental skinship, LOL (hahahah), and then I would cringe and go backwards, and I'd be like "OK, wo lai na zhe ge, ok?"and then he'd be ''ah, ok, ok."hahahaha.

Another one that makes it through to my memory bank, was the time he decided to tell me how he felt about someone. So, me being the usual loud and weird me, was weirding my day away. Throughtout the day, slowly news came to my ears saying, "Hey, did you know that he's plannig to tell you today?" I was like "Ö.O, WHOA."He usually reaches school really early in the morning, whereas I, later. And I saw him sitting in one of the chairs, having one of his arm crossing over his chest and another supporting his hand which creasing his forehead all day long. Haha, it was really evident. So initially I didn't know, but slowly news spread I guess, and more and more people came to tell me about it - but I don't think he realised cuz he was too engrossed in his ''plan". And so the bell came close to rinigng signalling school's end, and I remember seeing him standing somewhere around the classroom, (  i think it was next to the whiteboard, close to the door - pls excuse such random position if you think it is, cuz my class was so rowdy, everyone's just everywhere, most of the time') with the same position (hand rubbing his forehead), and my heart palpitated quickly. I usually laze around and take my sweetest time while packing my books, and usually leave only around 3.45 or later, just when most of everyone has left, then I leave the classroom slowly, strolling my way through. That day, I remember shoving most of my textbooks quickly into the blue Adidas bag Anna got me (from her forum trip in Lahad Datu), and then he started going, "Christabelle!" And I went "Sylvia!" So it was like "Christabelle!""Sylvia!""Christabelle! Christabelle!""Sylvia! Sylvia! Sylvia!"and then I ran away quickly and left him in the class room.

Sylvia reprimanded me for not allowing him to do it, because I heard he's been very stressed about it, and thought about it for a veryyy long time. And that he was smoking his stress away, dayem, I felt so bad. Then a few days later during Moral Class, while I was frolicking my way through to the teacher's desk to hand in some work, as I turned around, he was in front of my face with his ears all red and his head down. Then he rubbed his right ear and said, "Christabelle ah, 我其实想要跟你讲一样东西了很久“ I decided to hear him out, feeling all nervous inside. Then I was like, "Ah, 讲啦讲啦" "其实我已经喜欢你了很久，不过我希望我们还可以继续做好朋友啦" Then I think I said, "Oh, dang ran dang ran."And then I think I said thank you and shook his hand and walked away to, supposedly to my girlfriends. Haha. And from what I've heard, vaguely, I think even though it didn't work out, but he was happy and relieved that he did it. =D

This reminds me of sometimes (if I'm not mistaken) if I skip recesses and decide to stay in class, he'd stay back too from his group of bros to accompany me, I think la. Haha. And once when we were doing this project on Geography or something, while deciding the group member's list, there was only one spot left open. And Lelong and him were pushing it to one another, "OH you can have it" "Oh you can have it, cuz I've spent enough time with her on **something else** or cuz I've been in the same group with her on another project ady. HAHA. :P ANd this also happened once where we went to watch a movie in Growball with Celine, Sylvia them all, and Celine shoved me to be in between em both, but I ended up sitting in between the girls, also because I can't hear if I sit on the left, so I felt it would've been awkward if I couldn't hear whichever of em were talking to me. Haha. I rmb CYC's gaze each time he talks to me, he pays full attention haha, he's such a nice chap.

He's got this natural sense of humour, and he's always got the nicest stories to tell. I rmb him telling me and Sylvia how he spends time with his cat, and he sleeps with it, and sometimes the cat pees at home or on his bed, and he ought to clean it. and how his cat scratched him. and how his car almost flew out of the car, and he tried to save it. Not sure to believe it or not, but it sent me and SK cracking up like madness. And also, since CYC is so chinese, hahah there was once I should be explaining where my sister was studying, it's Goldcoast abut he said 'huang jin hai an' instead, and i couldn't understand him nor could he understand me. It was till a third party came in and joined our convo baru told me that they're the same =.=

I remember feeling odd and a lil sad inside cuz he seemed to stop talking to me and ignored me during PMR or UEC time. However, a year later, I still hear people saying that he still has a crush on me, but I thought it was barely plausible since he doesn't even talk to me. I rmb on Valentine's Day 2012, I foundt his box of Belgian Seashell Chocolates in my desk. I looked around, wondered who it belonged to or who it was from since there was no note. I rmb being extra cautious, because previously I found smth really creepy in my desk - smth with a note attached which told me to follow what it says or smth creepy like a bomb will happen or smth. Anywho, I was just really generous and gave it all away and finished it that period itself. It was only till this year's V'Day when me, Nat, Alvin and Roland were otw to Chee Ren's open house, that I realised from Alvin it's from him. After 2 years of mystery XDXD haha


#goodvibes  < 3

I know it's not the best idea that I'm feeling excited while chatting with you. And that I continously wear that smile whenever my phone vibrates. But I'm so glad I got to know you better this time. :) cheers

Bubz

Jonoo

Faithfulness

company of a wise man pt.2

I really appreciate the meeting we had through dinner last night. I really, really do. I was really excited about it, and I had a really good vibe about it, (speaking of good vibe, this is the real good vibe) and I was really excited to meet Ps Yoong. I knew that he was gonna minister to me, but I just really didn't know till what degree as to what I was going to expect. His sermon on Friday night was so true. I was really engrossed and had my head fixated to the screen/front most of the time, and every word he said went straight into my head, hopefully my heart too. I was even a lil bothered when I noticed my friends fiddling around, not paying full attention, - like yeah, till that extent lol. :P

Ps Yoong started his sharing by saying that everyone is different and special in their own way. First I thought, that was just an opener of his sermon, by first encouraging others and so on. He went on and gave the example of a girl who failed to continue her studies due to a medical condition, and hence felt worthless - but that's not true. He gave another testimony of an individualistic kid with no friends, and how nobody thought he was worth much and was simply undertaken by everyone, except for his parents. Because the only people who can see with the eyes of love, are his parents - those who really see the good in him. But because he was clustered by all the negative thoughts, nobody else could really see him at all. Ps then decided to stick his neck out to find him a girl as he thought, what he needs, is a woman who'd nurture this man back to life. And 10 days after being arranged to drive the girl to school everyday, they got married 4 months later and are a lovely, young couple.

He shared the essence of the feminine touch that every woman ought to have, and never lose. Men are born to be egoistic, and women are born to be submissive to the husband. When you rear a goldfish, if you don't feed it regularly because you think you're too busy already with kids and work, it'd be illogical to expect a fat happy swimming goldfish a week later. So, remember to feed your goldfish.

Also, he mentioned the likeness of the older generation, to always scold their kids about how the kids are ungrateful, that they have never lived the life they did before with only 10 cents in their pocket, how tough their lives was. The idea was that parents should not scold their kids like that because their kids will never be able to fit into their shoes, no matter how much they are being told of the same story. People will never completely understand what it's like to be a parent, until you are a parent yourself. When you hear it, you only know in part, but then 10 years down the road, you begin to know fully.

It's interesting and odd at the same time how I can barely remember what Ps had shared on Friday night, because I was really listening by heart but I can't seem to recall the points he shared. >.<

-

So we had dinner last night at Xia Zhong Xia at Hilltop. Dad came to pick me up after going to see sunset with Ps, and I was running to the car like usual, a lil frivolously, forgetting that someone else was in the car. We exchanged some casual greetings, like saying how we've never met throughout his 12 years of visiting our church, and also where I study etc, before going to pick mum and then skedaddle to dinner. Upon sitting down at the dinner table, Ps asked me if I were confident with my results, I said no while explaining how I am quite poor in Econs, but oh well. He replied with, "You're different," or  rather you're different from others.

*I then shared about my worries and also my unanswered questions all along - whether Taylor's is the way to go, if Law is the degree to take, disappointments from scholarship rejections (the ass-kicking processes), how I often get disappointed from scholarship rejections, and thoughts that'd cross my mind once in a while is why did somebody else seems to get it so effortlessly, whereas it is not the same for me. And also how I am terrible with making decisions - I prefer being thrown a task, rather than having the option to choose because I know that I would be able to learn from whichever option I choose, how asking 10 people don't really make the difference I needed but instead added more confusion, confusion that freedom of choice brings (full of alternatives), how Anna's such a go-getter, and how her advice based on such driven personality affects my decisions.... just like that lo.

He then said, "that's why I said you're different. You are different. I felt in my heart from the beginning to tell you that. You're different from your sister, and don't compare yourself to her. Don't make her the yardstick you have to measure up to. And also, don't let the world's standard define you." At that moment, I felt pretty astounded. Because though it's cliché (lol, because it's true *rolls eyes*), and though I saw it coming, but I could feel him speaking to my life, and instantly peace came, the baggage was shed-off midway, and I felt special again.

He then pointed out the example of the girl with no degree from the night before, and also that career's not an easy thing to decide, that nobody ever knows best, and I just gotta decide based on what I know at the moment, at my age, my current understanding. Today, he told my dad, "you gotta talk to her about what she understands right now at her age". Then, my mum began sharing how I was a miracle child - due to my ability to heal without sophisticated medical treatments from the Kawasaki disease when I was 4 years of age. That was a testimony that mum shared a few months back in church, and that was how mum was introduced to church and began to know God more and more.

Also, we chatted about which church I attend in KL, and he said that Acts church is a good place to be. About how the people there are very simple people, how they are straightforward, how the church is not too sophisticated. I told him that CH was pretty intimidating since I didn't have close friends, but that I love Acts cuz it's so warm and I actually grow there.  He said that's good.

At some point of dinner, dad was saying how he felt like God's timing seemed really uncannily aligned. And my dad isn't usually overly spiritual, so this coming out needs taking note of, lol. He shared about how our lives would never have been the same if it weren't from knowing Christ. When I was due in a few weeks time, it was around December and hence they just decided the date to be Christmas and named me, "Christabelle". And I was born, and then slowly led my parents to church after being invited by Abs. At some point, Ps also shared about maybe God knows that I'm currently in a dilemma, and he sent someone to talk to me about it. Amen.

At another point, he said that I am a sensitive persons. And I was agreeing with full attention and said, "You know I sometimes call myself a 'Bottle of Emotions' (secretly hoping that I didn't sound lame lol), because I have a lot of feelings. Even the smallest things move me. And since I have a lot of thoughts, and it's not like I can really tell someone about it, so I blog about it just to make sure I don't forget anything."

He thinks I'm a very relational person, a people person.

I also told him how I really like to make friends, and I enjoyed it very much during my time in high school. And that my ultimate intention is to really, just help people in the future.

Putting these thoughts into words, is something I never thought would materialize. Especially not in front of my parents, because they would have objected for me to have doubts, since they can't understand where I'm coming from. And I can't blame them for that, because I myself can't even understand where it's all coming from. All these unanswered questions, I never knew how I'd be able to get the perfect answer, and also constantly worrying if the path I'm going is the right path at all. From asking people to people, what I get is only opinions after advices, I'd never be able to discern which is right, and which is not, or rather which is right for me or not. And that's what I've been struggling with for a very long time. Meeting Ps Yoong felt really important. And after dinner last night, it felt like God sent someone from heaven to give me answers - real proper, Godly answers. I feel so much at ease.

I used to feel ashamed when I wasn't able to perform as well in sports, public speaking, singing or anything that expects me to measure up to jie's standards. I'm never good in drawing, singing and for other things, I'm usually average? or a lil above, but never something that people would identify as, boom, TALENT, I never felt worthless though I haven't figured out my talents/what I'm good at, because I know that God has a plan for me. But, I just never knew what it is, and it felt like there'd always be this void, unfulfilled.   But after dinner last night, I feel like I'm an extraordinary person God set aside for a very special purpose, and it's got to do with reaching out to people. I feel like I am going to achieve great things, and great things for God alone.

*
Today, Ps Yoong shared about how sometimes God uses the simplest thing into a blessing. Simple things that bring in the reality of God. (how he texted a guy from Singapore to say that "I am with you", and it was at the precise moment where he was desperately seeking God, due to stressing to complete a project 100%).

He also mentioned something about outer beauty vs. inner beauty. When someone has a beautiful dog, no matter how beautiful it is, when it bites you, you won't want to keep the dog anymore. Everything goes back to the heart.

God uses the simplest ways to bless.

WISDOM is essential.

The inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit

*The feminine touch

Nobody's life is outside of God's hand

Too often we know the Bible but not the author

All marriages are hard work. You need to complete the house before you can enjoy it.

thank you for blessing me.

for reminding me of what I'm worth.

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She is a very human person.

As my dad told him stories about me 'counselling' my friends, he said,

I can see that she has no expectations when she helps people, she doesn't expect to get any returns.

Christabelle thinks that what you said were exactly right about her.

I hope she doesn't think that you've spoken to me about her before, and hence she thought I said correctly.

Of course not, she knows.

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Hi Christabelle, it is my pleasure to meet up with you and family. Everything is done in God's timing. I really felt God's loving heart towards you and I have no shadow of doubt that He is more than well pleased with who you are. If I can say this--you are a real person who mean what you say and there is no pretense or exaggeration in you. God has His plan for you that is totally different from what the world call success. You will be successful in His eyes. You are a very relational person and you will be successful with people. Peace be to you. He will reveal more in future. People will want to gather around you. Take care.

company of a wise man pt.1

You're different.

- Is there anything else that you want to share with me?
(when walking to the car after dinner)

 I can see your heart. I can see that you are a people person, very relational. It's very interesting. 

'gotsa good heart', maybe?

It's okay if you don't have high achievements/recognitions, but you will have a high achievement in doing God's will.

Anna's very gifted with intelligence, whereas you are gifted with your heart.

You are a nurturer.

You don't want shallow relationships, you want deep meaningful relationships.

You are very sensitive.

You think very deep.

I can see that you are very different from your sister. You're very relational.

Just wait and let God's surprises take you. You will do well for God.

You want deep, meaningful relationships.

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- My results are coming out on the 12th.

Are you confident?

- Nah, I sorta struggled with Economics.

You're different. Like I shared last night, everyone is special in their own way, so you are different too, and are special in your own way. Just like the girl who failed to continue her studies due to a medical condition and felt worthless due to a lack of certificate.

Like I said from the very beginning, you're different. I just had to tell you that. You're different from your sister, and do not let the world's standard define you. 

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You don't really want recognition.

This truth in this struck me dumbfounded for a second, and I then continued by explaining how when people ask me what would I want to specialise in the future, whether I want to venture into criminal law and go to court, I'd say that truth be told, I'd prefer to be the mediator and let the problems come to a rest, instead of taking sides and finding loopholes in law just to knock somebody else down.

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"Even though you're walking the path of God, but it may not be a straight line, you know"

"I'm saying the truth, I'm not just saying this to make you happy" 

c l i c k s

Youth was fun and jolly! :D

oooh wanted to drink Teh C Ping at Foo Yuen with Daphne, but there wasn't any left :( which is really odd, tbh. And then.... we bumped into CYNTHIA WILSON BOON IRENE. haha. I felt bad cuz we seemed really hyped up, and when we got there, it seemed like we were the only one talking, really loudly. I was just excited cuz i met my boobs. Ooh and Daphne drove with my one hand on the brakes. hahaha, exciting much, it was my first, and her first time driving out by herself mabeh? haha

Zack shared about having clicks in life, and how important friends are, to shape and mould your personality. It was fun cheesying up with derp, HAHA. and then I met Wilfen! He said he went to see liang moi in church, and that I should be an actor instead of a lawyer cuz my nerves have gone wrong. >.< Bobo said I looked so good oh, which was rather odd. :)

then dinner with wise man.

out and about with my dad

 :)

rotting at home, i love

speaking of which, they shouldn't call it rot. 

cause I love it.

"Rockin' it at home, i Love"

and then dinner with the ..... them