hello

temporary home.

‘Get your hands off me,’ he said, struggling to shake me off. 

‘No,’ I shook my head. ‘Please, listen ...’ I tried to compose myself before continuing: 

‘It’s not what you think it’s going to be in there,’ I said, looking down and imagining how it would feel for him, staring into that darkness, wanting to end it all; how bad things must be for him to want that. He was studying me intently again. ‘You don’t want to end your life, you want to end your pain, the pain you’re feeling right now, the pain that I’m sure you wake up with and go to bed at night with. Maybe no one around you understands that, but I do, believe me.’ I saw that his eyes were filling, I was getting through to him. ‘But you don’t want to end it all the time, do you? Just sometimes it passes through your mind, probably more often lately than before. It’s like a habit, trying to think of different ways to end it all. But it passes, doesn’t it?’ 

He looked at me carefully, taking every word in. 

‘It’s a moment, that’s all. And moments pass. If you hang in there, this moment will pass and you won’t want to end your life. You probably think that no one cares, or that they’ll get over you. Maybe you think they want you to do this. They don’t. No one wants this for anyone. It might feel as if there are no options, but there are – you can come through this. Get down and let’s talk about it. Whatever is going on, you can get through it. It’s a moment, that’s all,’ I whispered, tears running down my cheeks. 

I took a sidelong glance at him. He swallowed hard, he was looking down now. Thinking about it, weighing up his options. Live or die. Surreptitiously I scanned the bridge entrances on Bachelors Walk and Wellington Quay, still no gardaí, still no members of the public to help me. I was glad of that at this stage; I had managed to engage with him, I didn’t want anybody else to distract him, panic him, bring him back to that place again. 

I thought about what to say next, something that would make the time pass until professional help arrived, something positive that wouldn’t trigger any anger in him. But in the end I didn’t have to say anything because he spoke first. 

‘I read about a guy who jumped in the river last year. He was drunk and decided to go swimming, only he got stuck under a shopping trolley and the currents swept him away. He couldn’t get out,’ he said, his voice cracking with the emotion.
‘And you liked the sound of that?’ 

‘No. But then it will be over. After all that, it will be over.’ 

‘Or it will be the beginning of a new kind of pain. As soon as you’re in that water, no matter how much you want it, you’ll panic. You’ll fight it. You’ll struggle to take in oxygen and your lungs will fill with water because, even though you think you don’t want to live, your instinct will be to stay alive. It’s in you to want to stay alive. As soon as the water is drawn into your larynx, another natural instinct is for you to swallow it. Water will fill your lungs, which will weigh down your body, and if you change your mind and decide you want to live and try to get to the surface, you won’t be able to. And the thing is, there are so many people around you right now, they’re ready to dive in and rescue you – and do you know what? You think it’ll be too late, but it won’t be. Even after you lose consciousness, the heart will carry on beating. They can give you mouth-to-mouth and pump out the water and fill your lungs with air again. They could save you.’ His body was shaking and not just from the cold. I felt him go limp beneath my arms. ‘I want it to end.’ His voice shook as he spoke. ‘It hurts.’ 

‘What hurts?’ 

‘Specifically? Living.’ He laughed weakly. ‘Waking up is the worst part of my day. Has been for a long time.’ 

‘Why don’t we talk about this somewhere else?’ I said, concerned, as his body went rigid again. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to talk about his problems while he was hanging off the side of a bridge. ‘I want to hear everything you have to say, so let’s get down now.’ 

‘It’s too much.’ He closed his eyes and spoke more to himself. ‘I can’t change things now. It’s too late,’ he said quietly, leaning his head back so that it rested by my cheek. We were oddly close for two strangers. 

‘It’s never too late. Believe me, it’s possible for your life to change. You can change it. I can help you,’ I said. 

I didn’t want him dwelling on the negative, on whatever it was that had sent him here. ‘Fine,’ I said confidently, ‘If your life doesn’t change, it’s your decision what you do. But I’m telling you that it can. I’ll show you. You and me, we’ll do it together, we’ll see how wonderful life can be. I promise you.’ 

‘It’s a deal,’ he near whispered.

How To Fall In Love - Cecelia Ahern 

take heart

everything is gonna be ok. :)

How to overcome fear of meeting new people?

Be positive that there are plenty of other awesome people like me around! :D

awesome read!

What I Learned About Life After Interviewing 80 Highly Successful People

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/life-lessons-from-highly-successful-people-2014-12#ixzz3jjnkkIyo

http://www.alifeonyourterms.com/the-first-law-of-living-a-life-on-your-terms/

glorious ruins;

When the mountains fall
And the tempest roars You are with me
When creation folds
Still my soul will soar on Your mercy

When the world caves in
Still my hope will cling to Your promise
Where my courage ends
Let my heart find strength in Your presence

I'll walk through the fire
With my head lifted high
And my spirit revived in Your story
And I'll look to the cross
As my failure is lost
In the light of Your glorious grace

Let the ruins come to life
In the beauty of Your Name
Rising up from the ashes
God forever You reign

And my soul will find refuge
In the shadow of Your wings
I will love You forever
And forever I'll sing

*A part of me am aware that my story in Taylor's isn't finished yet.
And yes, thank You that my failure is lost, as I look to the cross - in the light of your glorious grace.

This is my song, Amen.

Today, I learnt..

that when someone trusts you enough to share their stories in life with you, they trust you enough not to judge them.

hi (:

"mixed emotions"

tell me about it.

Heart

My heart is rather full.

***Correction: my heart is super full. 

(:

#thankYou

friends

so much feels, this photo

So I heard from these two earlier today, got me eyes a lil teary, just a lil bit ok. It's always nice to catch up with people you're comfortable with, people who believe in you, people who accept you for who you are, people who love you. I'm immensely grateful, that I'm still considerably close to a handful of friends from school though we don't talk everyday. But it's nice to know that they are the ones you can seemingly count on, when you need them around. Recently, I've been catching up with several friends from high school, ranging from those two above, jacob, ahlap, shafie, daphne, xuan, cedric, seol, petz, ah heng, dav, sar, occassionally rav, sher & derp.. it's all good. sometimes it feels hard to reconcile the past & present idea of me, lulz, but grateful for all that i have regardless.

meanwhile, spent a great day with shannon & caleb despite the mini headache afterwards. 

looking forward to more of life :)

xoxo

'the struggle is #real'

Hi, my name is Crizzazle :D

*

Been duck hunting lately with Kenneth (mega-grateful!!!),

And went for durians! :)

  

  

sankiue so mucho for having mua :)

meanwhile, at RA today. Ps Dave came back! :)

uh-huh, i'm worth it

OWH YEA

so dirty heh.
twas a great night.
exchanged a fair share of laughters :)

thank You

potato Christian :)

Today marks the last day of my exams, as well as the end of Sem 1. Went for dinner with Amy and Jess after hangouts, before heading to CHC for Ps Kong Hee's service. Thanks Jeff for your invite, and it was great to see Graeme too :) *I went to the bookstore after service, and voila!, after searching 'high & low' in a way, I finally found Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I can't wait to read it! The bookstore experience was interesting tho cuz I asked the bookstore-keeper, and they couldn't find it tho they seemed like they were searching the area where the book actually lies. I called Fiona and just fiddled around with my other free hand, then i found it -.- But YAY! < 3 I've heard quite some reviews about it, and also got to know that bubz reads it too :) can't wait! :))

Learnt about mental strength today, how we endure trials by enlarging our mental capacity. 

*more soon

Ps Kong Hee ended with this, saying how we should be a potato Christian :)

Very blessed night indeed, so blessed by the Word, the company, the time-out, thank You Jesus,  I love You.

God

i love You Daddy God ♥

had an amazing time @ KingdomCity today. Worship was so refreshing, tears lil :) thank You God for Your holy presence. I love KC! Felt like home :) Esp spending it with people i Love, & that sense of familiarity, so comfortable, so secure. Thank you girlies! <3

PIF.TU

I remember seeing this as a luxury back when I was little.

Last night midnight, I spent 200+ on wrong air tix due to being too impulsive.

God, You are good, I love You, I thank You.