i touch the sky, when my knees hit the ground

got this song stuck in my head..
enjoy!  :-)

is it half-empty or half-full?

what happens when some things don't go our way? | what happens when we are desperate for a change in our situation? | do other people change? | do i change? | what happens when people don't change, which then forces me to be the change? |

Sure, maybe sometimes I've changed, but the situation would still feel the same. why what how then...?

True change really comes, with the change of perspective.
That subtle change that no one can really see but yourself. 
That change that no one can instill, but only you yourself.
And it's really up to yourself to keep holding on to it to gain strength,
Or be influenced by the worldly opinions that you just choose to desert that invisible change of perspective you feel does justice in settling your heart down.

|That mere deviation can set you free.|

And so many "How-to-" articles out there, their purpose of existence isn't really just to teach you life hacks, but using those experiences, serving to hopefully trigger your change of perspective.

Cuz honestly, once you've set your mind to something, nothing can really defeat you anymore..

road-trip

embarking on The Journey..

searching for the light at the end of the tunnel..

am i approaching towards that glimpse of light already?

am i already seeing ambiguous rays of light?

hmm..

what is Your word for me today?

This is grace.

My friend sent this to me. 

stepping stone

thank you for being the help that i need.

i love you both.

p.s. https://bethelmusic.com/videos/it-is-well-song-story-kristene-dimarco

always something to learn everyday

thank you, Norma for this timely reminder :)

the bigger picture

The other day after service, we went for lunch as usual with the homies with Jade sitting next to me. I was still recovering from the madness throughout the week, and hadn't fully settled in my right mind yet. As we went for the bill, I told Jade whilst pointing out the happy family of four at the corner, where the mum was settling one kid, and the dad another, "Wow. The simple life. Wouldn't it be nice to just marry off and live the simple life?"

"I smack you," Jade said.

Pat then joined in the fun, and laughed along with me, as she went on chatting about her future 'simple life' scenario, these 'ideal' dreams that we simply wish were not that farfetched, lol.

Seriously though, I found myself wondering, "would that really be what I want?" As much as I was aware I said it just at the spur of the moment, without any intentions at all, at that moment, a part of me, sorta gave in to hmm, defeat, complacency, and just decided to entertain that silly notion.

It also got me thinking, wow, do I really even need to go to law school at the first place? Like law school is tough man, it's hard. Was it silly of me to put myself through all this, all these challenges that drain me like never before, these new experiences of really tasting 'the going gets tough'.. Like, in life, there are choices, and I could freely chosen the easy way out. Maybe I could have gone and went on with something which I already established that golden touch before. Thus life'd be so much easier. Or I could just crawl back to my KK corner, and be fully embraced by KK love, safe and secure in a cocoon. "Why put yourself through the pain?"

I wondered and tried to visualize, how'd it be like, to live the 'easy' life? And the image that popped up in my head was from last March, me lying restlessly on my mum's bed in my shorts and tee, with the fan spinning, the heat just invading the atmosphere, I flipped through the channels continuously, bouncing back and forth between the same few channels, scrolled through the social media apps in my phone back and forth, me dreading the idea of sleep to kill time - it felt like I slept so much that my eyes were so sick of it... I remember feeling so inspired by some meaningful movies that I'd come across, wishing I'd have that experience, hoping that I can make a change in the world, have something that I can call mine too, instead of sitting down there... rotting. Like, yes, the word to put it is 'rotting'. I was desperately looking for something to fill that void inside of me..... life felt so stagnant and meaningless...  

it'd drain the soul out of me. it's not me..

>> which reminds me of what Ps Andy said during Revo Party.
Ps Andy said that humans, we are built for adventures. God has created each and every one of us to be curious, always searching for more. He shared that what conceals this fact and belief which in turn lies to people that they're prone to complacency and are simply 'not the adventurous type', is our past mistakes and failures. We are afraid of disappointments, hence we choose to let fear halt us, and choose not to even start trying.. 

Recently, I had forgotten to count my blessings..

I had been taking for granted what could not have been mine, if otherwise..

What a shame, i'm sorry.

*

we fight not because God is safe,
we fight because God is good.

what are your thoughts?

crazy post, please check it out!!

ClickMe!

tumblr

“When your mind wants to bolt, but your heart hangs on, it is because you don’t know with absolute certainty what the truth is. When you waste so much time on something that you want to believe is true, you begin to overthink things. Eventually, something obvious becomes twisted into something absurd, which keeps us from believing a simpler answer. Over time, you believe your own lies and fantasies to shield yourself from hurt, when following what is logical would have been the quickest way to healing. It is through your own self-imposed delusions that you lose your perspective. The world then becomes different to you when in fact you are different. Why? Because your own ego gets in the way. Everyone wants to feel special. Everyone wants to have faith in others. Everyone wants to believe in fairytales, happy endings and have all bad interactions with others explained. It is easier to sit in denial with your delusions and pray God will intervene, not realizing he has. He gave you commonsense and intuition, but you didn’t like how it made you feel. This is what true mental illness really is: Following your gut instinct through hell because you want to prove you are right, either to yourself or others. You sacrifice choosing to do right, in order to avoid pain. However, you don’t realize that you have been in pain for a really long time and believed this was how happiness felt.”

—	Shannon L. Alder

of deep breaths, and trapped air

 As the sun set in, and the day darkened, I went to dinner with WK and Jer, feeling happy with the comfortable company, yet each time my mind thought of what'd happen after dinner, my heart just slowly weighed me down.. Dinner ended, as me and Jer were walking away, we passed by girls on our left taking photos of above, I didn't care less, thought it was a selfie. A few steps after that, as my eyes just wandered around tilting my head here and there, this mesmerizing beauty captivated my heart, and I couldn't help but take a few shots too.

It was so beautiful. I was instantly reminded of mum, *filling up on the inside* who used to always snap out of her daze as she drove me back from school/tuition/places whenever she sees a rainbow. She'd bring herself lightly off the seat, rummaging through her purse for her phone with her gaze unmoved from the rainbow, hoping to secure it as the seconds went by. She'd always be in awe, filled with amazement, giving praise to God. And I could tell that that momentary sight alone was sufficient to fill her thoughts for a while, with a different and lighter tone playing inside of her.

Mum said, it reminds her of God's promises, how faithful our God is. As I was oblivious and insensitive for a long part of my life, I finally comprehended it yesterday, though it didn't properly sink in until a while after that.

This sight is amazing, the rainbow just seems to go across, sheltering all three buildings, with the other end of the rainbow resting gracefully on the clouds. :3 

I haven't seen such a full and clear rainbow in ages.

And it's just so... real, tangible, evident.. and just, real. Seriously, standing underneath it, it was so vast, and I just got so consumed in its beauty, it felt like this big umbrella sheltering me. Such beauty, and greatness. And all in all, it felt as if God was with me. 

This, is ultimately significant, as it symbolizes God's promises.

For me, for my life - in Taylor's too.

That God is not just with me when I'm in church, or surrounded with church people,

But also when I feel the most insecure, when I'd feel so lonely, when sometimes I feel like I try so hard to find, and not being able to find, when i'd feel solitary, neglected, on my own, so dark.

That God sees me, that it's ok, He's seeing me through, He's got a plan.

I'd like to believe this is it.

Thank You.

*I've got so many other things to write about recently...
But it'll have to wait until this weekend *hopefully* or just next weekend.
Till then, God, give me strength, peace, WISDOM.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I'll finish well today.

Oh P.S., if you look really closely, you can see another shade of rainbow on the right, right next to the existing one (: remember what they say about double rainbows? (:

"I will give you a great deal. And even more abundantly.

That they'll not be just enough, or good enough for you,

but it shall overflow and you just can't get full hold of it."

and that's just how good our God is.

crazy ride

Hebrews 10

32 Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ.[j] Remember how you remained faithful even though it meant terrible suffering. 33 Sometimes you were exposed to public ridicule and were beaten, and sometimes you helped others who were suffering the same things. 34 You suffered along with those who were thrown into jail, and when all you owned was taken from you, you accepted it with joy. You knew there were better things waiting for you that will last forever.

35 So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

37 “For in just a little while,
    the Coming One will come and not delay.
38 And my righteous ones will live by faith.
    But I will take no pleasure in anyone who turns away.”

39 But we are not like those who turn away from God to their own destruction. We are the faithful ones, whose souls will be saved.

crazy, crazy day.

crazy, crazy ride.

wow.

thank You for last night, especially special.

& I shall thank You for today too of course.

help me, Lord.

I trust in You.

Amen.

:)

Daphne spared her bed for me;

Vikki made soup for me.

bubz

Reminds me of someone!

perfect timing

Superhero much? 

Free ice-cream today woohoo :D

monday

in dire need of a mother's love...

my mum...