:)) this shizzle aint no shizzle

So today's been a great day! After so long dreading with my long locks, I finally went to Team to do something about it. Had no idea at all, was anticipating something different, and thought of Sher's hair that I absolutely adore and hence decided to do the same. So happy. So Alex chopped off much of my locks, oh if you didn't know, I LOVE cutting my hair. When it gets too long, it just bothers me, and I'm secretly hoping I could cut it myself every time haha. But then my hair's always long cuz I'm unsure what to do with it. Back in high school, chopping it off was an easy decision cuz I just do a ponytail everyday and nobody cares. OH and the long hair especially irritates me worse when I'm wearing a pony tail, i'm just like "URRRRRGGGHHHHHH" on the inside. :P anyway, since I left high school, chopping my hair off didn't come as easy firstly because I permed it, and secondly, I seemed to look nicer with longer hair rather than midlength, cuz it'll just drain the glow away from my face, I feel. And since I'm like sorta 'embracing adolescence' in a way, i gotta make sure I look like a.. lady. Lol.

As of today, i was excited cuz I like change. And I'm so into chopping my hair but obviously trading for a good look too. I just couldn't wear it any longer. And now, my hair is halfway done :P I'm supposed to cut, dye and perm, but so far only cut and dye has been done. And though I don't look extraordinarily ravishing, I'm really happy, and I just can't seem to give a care in the world. And it feels amazing. So light, and I just... really don't care.

Which reminds me of the adventurous trait that I got going on which has rather lied dormant for a while? Mmm. I remember being up for most things, probably anything at all cuz I was up for challenges, and I liked change, I liked being different. Whilst absolutely understanding that I'm not cut out for everything (or rather cut out for just something only - which I probably haven't even figured out), the process was always gratifying, and would always be an achievement that I would constantly brag about, in my head. :) Even if things didn't run smoothly, I'd always look at the bright side, and never regret. I remember telling myself I should never regret anything, because there's no point doing so, and everything happens for a reason. I used to live by these quotes so confidently being responsible for each decision I make. And so naturally as well, that i didn't deliberately work it in my head. It was as though I was customised that way already. Somehow, being ready to bear the consequences of sloppy decisions didn't seem scary or overwhelming at all - because i thought, u know rainbow after the rain, and there's always something to learn from everything. So positive. Not sure if that's attributed to wise decisions (I doubt so), but maybe it was just the hardcore-positivity that was carrying me through.

Somewhere along moving on from high school, I suppose my focus has diverted and I began to take for granted that mechanism that kept me going. Rather than being 'fearless' (always freaking out tbh) and adventurous, taking risks, I resorted to believing that I deserve the luxury of choice and started making decisions attempting to stay in my comfort zone. Rather than being soaked into the beauty of taking risks, I suppose I actually began to care about what people, whether significant or not, thought of me. With that clouding my judgment, I suppose I gave excuses that life was happening, problem was with them not me, and I just also confidently made decisions, trusting my guts based on past high school experiences that seemed to bear fruits. But little did I know, my sense of judgment has given way long ago. And it's time to be humble, really humble, again, and let life steers its own course.

I don't wanna have high expectations. In fact, if I could, I don't wanna expect at all. I just wanna stay simple, going back to believing in just doing my best in everything, period. I just wanna keep doing things that make me happy. I wanna take risks!!! I wanna always do something different, and keep learning about life that way. I wanna just chop off my hair, and not give a care in the world. I wanna keep learning!!! I wanna live a simple life. Embrace all that's happening, all the feelings, the moments. Without worrying what happens in the future. Of course, keeping my walls up too.

*

I've been reading lately. Finished these 3, and the first one is my fav among all. 

Moving on to Joel Osteen next :)

 

I'm a terrible selfie person. And I don't like being vain.

whatevs. hahah. it's just shorter now.

I'm up for challenges. I wanna fight. And I'm not gonna look at this the same again. I'm gonna be humble, and face this challenge, and I will learn something out of this.

thank you Jesus :)