I'm not where I'm supposed to be...
I'm not where I thought I'd be...
I'm not where I wished I'd be...
9/4/2022
I went to pick dad up for my favorite breakfast! Dad made some comments which irritated me but not enough for a blow-up. We enjoyed the meal, and ordered an extra in case mum wants it. We continue with our day. Dad drives me to pick up cake for a birthday lunch celebration. We discuss gas station + toilet + pharmacy + drop me off schedule to fit around our next summon - to pick mum up for her next whim. We manage to fit toilet in + dropping me off and parted ways for the day.
I went to work, puked some, grabbed to dinner. My dad has my power bank, and my phone battery is hm, not the best. I turn on flight mode to conserve battery for my ride home after dinner.
Midway through dinner, I figured I could contact parents in case they're around to pick me up for home. Or rather, they could call me in case anything happens ! I disabled flight mode, and received a text of 2 missed calls. I called back immediately to no reply. I turn on flight mode again. All this with scaterrbrain attention as I was engrossed at dinner. Then I remembered again and disabled flight mode, received another text of 2 missed calls. This time while dialing dad, I read a WhatsApp report from dad to say he's back in the hotel. I was relieved. And on the phone, dad answers, "We are back in the hotel. The car is here. Do you want to come and grab the car?" "No, I'm at dinner." "You can come and take the car tonight if you want" "No need, tomorrow is ok" "Ok, tomorrow morning I can go pick you or you can come take the car if you want" curtly "Ok". "Ok, we had hokkien mee earlier.." "Ok" "with uncle Leonard and all.. it was good......" *waits for him to finish....."So.... how was your day?" *chuckles "i talk to you tomorrow la!!" "Huh? How was your day?" "I talk to you tomorrow la! Im seeing you tomorrow right?" "Ya.." "Yup ok, bye" "Ok, bye".
10/4/2022
Dad picks me up with front seat empty. I wonder where mum is, but concluded that it did not make sense given mum's notorious random whims which we've gotten used to. I open the backseat door, gaspeed at my mum. I opened the front seat door, "i didn't see mum there! was just wondering where she is" she was covered by the window shades. "You managed to enter?" "Yes la, i just told the guard pickup, then they let me in" I settle in the seat. "So...... *peeks left whilst driving* how was your day?"
*chuckle
"it was good. i had lunch and dinner. urs?"
"okla.. we went dinner........." etc etc.
Zachary Levi:
"My job on my set, I believe, is to first just love people and gain that trust with people where they know that I really do love them and care about their well-being, so that when they are running into problems, they will hopefully, at some point, come to me and ask me, 'What is your peace all about? What is your comfort all about? Where do you get your love? Where do you get your talents?' And I can turn to them and say without blinking, 'Jesus Christ.'"
https://relevantmagazine.com/culture/2830-qaa-with-zachary-levi/
This is not to say that hard work and ingenuity aren’t important. They prepare us to make the most of the chances we get in life, and they may create opportunities that otherwise wouldn’t exist. Yet one who succeeds at work may be no more deserving than another who fails.
If our response to success is solely self-congratulation, we are practicing idolatry. If our response is thankfulness, then we are worshipping God. If our reaction to failure is despair, then we are feeling the hollowness of a broken idol. But if our reaction is perseverance, then we are experiencing the gracious power of God.
Prayer
Faithful Father, some circumstances are not in my control, though I often wish they were. Thank you for the opportunities and skills that have allowed me to succeed (in big ways and in small ways) in the past. After the sting of failure, help me to pick myself up and move forward with what I’ve learned. Amen. //
“I have observed something else under the sun. The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time. People can never predict when hard times might come. Like fish in a net or birds in a trap, people are caught by sudden tragedy.”
Ecclesiastes 9:11-12 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/ecc.9.11-12.NLT
Devo;
In his book, Winning Smart After Losing Big, entrepreneur Rob Stearns echoes this perspective regarding his own failures. Stearns writes that there's a big difference between experiencing a failure and being a failure: "You are the same person after your loss as you were before your loss." It is strength of character that enables us to get up and keep moving when we've failed.
But where do we find strength to move forward? Paul freely acknowledged that such strength is not native to his soul. It came to him from Christ. "I can do all this through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13, NIV). Hardships and failures taught the apostle to ask for strength. He learned to “fail forward” into the everlasting arms of God.
Prayer
What is the Holy Spirit Revealing to You?
The dictionary definitions of “strong” and “courageous” read like this:
strong | strôNG |
1 having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks; exerting great force; possessing skills and qualities that create a likelihood of success; powerfully affecting the mind, senses, or emotions
2 able to withstand great force or pressure; not easily disturbed, upset, or affected
cou·ra·geous | kəˈrājəs |
adjective
not deterred by danger or pain; brave
And then, one of the many references to strength and courage in the Bible reads like this:
“‘Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.’" Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the sight of all Israel, "’Be strong and courageous, for you shall go with this people into the land that the LORD has sworn to their fathers to give them, and you shall put them in possession of it. It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed’" (Deut. 31: 6-8, ESV).
Spend some time soaking up these verses, reading them a few times silently, and then aloud. What words stand out to you? What do they make you think about?
Next, read the verses a third time and put yourself in the scene. How do you feel? What person can you relate to most?
Finally, read the set of verses a fourth time. Ask the Holy Spirit what He is revealing to you. What deeper meaning is He sharing with you now?
What has been your experience reading these verses?
The In-Between Place | Share Your Story with Safe People and with Jesus //
It only takes one deep wound from a friend or family member before we start guarding ourselves from future hurts. Whether a parent abandoned or neglected you, a sibling rivalry has ended on non-speaking terms, you’ve suffered a cruel and public breakup, the silent killer of “ghosting” has come for you, or the infidelity of an intimate partner has crushed you, the cuts you bear can’t be healed with a simple Band-Aid. It takes soul work, trust, and long-suffering vulnerability to enjoy ride-or-die friendships after experiencing relational pain. One of the most important ways Jesus changes our stories is through our friends. Don’t forget, Jesus is your friend, too.
If Jesus were sitting right in front of you, what would you want to tell him about your story? What could you tell him that you’ve told no one? As I think about my own story, my lip starts to quiver and my eyes flood. I tell Jesus often that I miss my dad, and that missing him is so complicated because our relationship was complex.
I take tremendous comfort in the fact that I don’t have to explain myself to Jesus. He gets me because he created me and has been present every moment of my life. Even still, he delights for me to express my whole self to him in a way that I may not be able to do even with my nearest and dearest.
Jesus can be our closest companion, most trusted advisor, and best friend. As in any other relationship, spending time and talking with him are key to building trust and intimacy. Why not entrust more of yourself to the one person who will always accept you for exactly who you are? Although none of our friends will be perfect like Jesus, practicing friendship in relationship with Jesus prepares us to be better friends and to find safe people to share our stories with. Finding peace in your in-between situation will require as much.
Prayer:
Father, even though you know my story, I know you want to hear my point of view. You are my most faithful friend, Jesus. Help me to confide in you more. Amen.
///my thoughts:
Sometimes we come across friendships with a different stroke of chemistry simply built on the basis of “you get me!!” - this person just gets you in the moment altho you don’t even know each other that well yet / or only little amount of time is spent with each other / or you just don’t need to use so many words to explain yet the person gets.
these chancely friendships are imo rare to come by; sometimes as quickly as the friendship/connection comes, as quickly as the friendship goes too.
But.. Jesus is our ultimate person - He gets us, perpetually.
Share Your Story with Safe People and with Jesus
It only takes one deep wound from a friend or family member before we start guarding ourselves from future hurts. Whether a parent abandoned or neglected you, a sibling rivalry has ended on non-speaking terms, you’ve suffered a cruel and public breakup, the silent killer of “ghosting” has come for you, or the infidelity of an intimate partner has crushed you, the cuts you bear can’t be healed with a simple Band-Aid. It takes soul work, trust, and long-suffering vulnerability to enjoy ride-or-die friendships after experiencing relational pain. One of the most important ways Jesus changes our stories is through our friends. Don’t forget, Jesus is your friend, too.
If Jesus were sitting right in front of you, what would you want to tell him about your story? What could you tell him that you’ve told no one? As I think about my own story, my lip starts to quiver and my eyes flood. I tell Jesus often that I miss my dad, and that missing him is so complicated because our relationship was complex.
I take tremendous comfort in the fact that I don’t have to explain myself to Jesus. He gets me because he created me and has been present every moment of my life. Even still, he delights for me to express my whole self to him in a way that I may not be able to do even with my nearest and dearest.
Jesus can be our closest companion, most trusted advisor, and best friend. As in any other relationship, spending time and talking with him are key to building trust and intimacy. Why not entrust more of yourself to the one person who will always accept you for exactly who you are? Although none of our friends will be perfect like Jesus, practicing friendship in relationship with Jesus prepares us to be better friends and to find safe people to share our stories with. Finding peace in your in-between situation will require as much.
Prayer:
Father, even though you know my story, I know you want to hear my point of view. You are my most faithful friend, Jesus. Help me to confide in you more. Amen.
https://www.relevantmagazine.com/faith/church/a-new-kind-of-prosperity-gospel/
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Growing up in evangelicalism, millennials were told to watch out for the health, wealth and prosperity gospel: the belief that if we did certain things that God would reward us with healthy lives and a fortune to spend. As a result, we became weary of pastors in fancy suits who owned private jets.
However, the economic crash of 2008 and outrageous amounts of student debt has dashed most young people’s dreams of making millions of dollars. Coupled with the ubiquity of the iPhone, I believe a new prosperity gospel is present, and we were unprepared for its idols that have sprung up.
In 2017, Forbes reported that one in four millennials would quit their jobs to become famous. Thirty percent would rather become famous than a doctor or lawyer. One in 10 would choose fame over a college degree. If you ask most middle schoolers what they want to be, their answer would be “YouTuber.” Increasingly, young adults would trade the money, possessions and health for fame in a hip urban center.
On top of that, young people are leaving the suburbs in droves for a few large urban centers. L.A., New York, Nashville, San Francisco and Raleigh. The joke regarding millennials is that Portland is where millennials go to retire. Young people are flocking to the cities with the most culture, best craft coffee and beer, and the most opportunity for fame, most often without any plan for how to achieve that kind of life.
I don’t blame anybody for feeling this pull; the draw has never been more in the foreground than it is right now. With our iPhones in our hands and demanding our attention, we’re an Instagram post or a TikTok video away from some of the most beautiful places in the world and the best of our country’s culture. With filtered photos and unfiltered access to the images of the “good life” that we could be living, it makes sense that we would want to be a part of it.
When we see someone our age drinking craft beer at a hip bar in a cool city, they seem immune to the worries that we live with every day. The lure of the hip, urban lifestyle promises us ease, cool, socialite status and an escape from our anxiety. If only I had more followers, people would like me. If only I could climb breathtaking mountains and adventure to exotic locations, I wouldn’t be depressed. We’ve bought the Instagram-industrial complex hook, line and sinker.
In a secular age, our city is our temple, our social media feeds are our prayers and tweetable politics are our religious devotion. Young people are leaving their hometowns in search of their best life now. The prosperity gospel is no longer houses, cars, money and health; the new prosperity gospel is a hip city and a follower count that ends with a “K.”
Now, please hear me, I’m not against moving. There are plenty of good reasons to move cities. A new job, a spouse, school or a legitimate call to missions are all valid reasons to seek out a new place to call home. I just don’t buy that God is calling all of these young people to the same few cities. What if today’s act of radical obedience to Christ isn’t going, but staying?
When Paul was in Athens, he told the people, “From one man he has made every nationality to live over the whole earth and has determined their appointed times and the boundaries of where they live. He did this so that they might seek God, and perhaps they might reach out and find him, though he is not far from each one of us” (Acts 17:26-27).
God has placed us in specific locations with a purpose: that others might seek God, reach out and find Him. And this happens through us. Our purpose is hindered when our presence is removed. Every time we move, we start over. Every time we leave, we leave behind the relationships and potential that we were building. What if instead of moving to a new city to find fulfillment in urban promises that will never be kept, we fulfilled the purpose God has given us in the place we are at?
It’s easier to go to a new city seeking the vision of life that it offers us rather than manifesting the vision of life in the Kingdom of God in the city we are in. Zack Eswine said, “I am speaking here of a glorious nonescape from the ordinary life. Difference making takes place in a garden. The God who created a garden in the vast expanse of the universe returned to Nazareth. I must learn, like him, to return to the same old, same old and dwell there for its redemption.”
In Jeremiah’s letter to the exiles in Babylon, he said, “Build houses and live in them. Plant gardens and eat their produce. Find wives for yourselves and have sons and daughters. Find wives for your sons and give your daughters to men in marriage so that they may bear sons and daughters. Multiply there; do not decrease. Pursue the well-being of the city I have deported you to. Pray to the Lord on its behalf, for when it thrives, you will thrive” (Jeremiah 29:5-7). When we pursue the well-being of the city we are in and it thrives, we thrive with it.
Paul said it like this, “Seek to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, so that you may behave properly in the presence of outsiders and not be dependent on anyone” (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12). A quiet life in the place we are at, faithfully working for its redemption. That’s what we’re supposed to seek. What if our default was staying where we are, growing roots for decades on end, and seeing the fruit of our faithful tree bloom in ways we never imagined?
Of course, God sometimes calls people away from where they are. There are plenty of examples of that. But they were called by God. I fear too many of us who leave are called by the idols of escape and fame. Let’s be captured by a vision of — as Eugene Peterson said — a long obedience in the same direction, in one place over the course of our lives, and see how God can use our faithful presence for the people who need Him.
my random sharing on my takeaways from the above sermon - here for my digital journal xx
i.e. how sometimes the worst things happen to "good" Christians i.e. death of her husband, leaving her with 2 kids in a society where women dont work & are completely dependent on their husbands. Felt this was smth our generation struggle with sometimes, where it's so hard for us to accept it when we hit roadbumps, how we forget that a perfect life is not void of challenging seasons, and sometimes i find it hits “Christians” even more, cuz they’re supposedly faithful and God is supposed to bless, and blessings are supposed to look like only good and happy things.
then there’s picking up whatever fragment of strength left within you to keep going, trying, reach out to people, seek help - when sometimes all you feel in the moment is anything but that; when all you want is just to be a recluse and sit with your hurt and brokenness.
then there’s the genuine desperation to the extent of trying even the most “impossible” or illogical” methods to give life another shot i.e. pour a small jar of olive into many many jars. like imagine the thought of even going around borrowing the many jars to be begin with.. & not knowing where it’s gonna go, as if there’s still room to be ridiculed in the woman’s life if it doesn’t promise results. as ridiculous as it seems, at least it’s giving life another fair shot and committing to it regardless, by going through the process entirely before calling it quits i.e. pouring the oil until it runs out.
and it sounds like the act of pouring was quite a long one since there were many jars. but just in the moment of pouring… like in the in-between moments of life where we’re not sure where we’re headed, unable to make sense of purpose / life, and we’re just cruising through in a state of despair and brokenness… maybe years of “drought” so to say, or barrenness. but still choosing to be faithful with life at least - by showing up, and keep giving life a shot until God speaks.
I guess im an advocate of “showing up” in life even when we feel life doesn’t give us a reason to. I used to despair when i dont hear back from God or dont understand where my life’s headed, and just wished God’d just tell me what’s what. Very stubborn to wait on God’s clear “signs” before I can move on. But i’ve learnt that it’s important to keep going even when we feel lost, when we dont feel God speaking.
And finally, there’s just something about experiencing God in the despair and brokenness of a difficult season. Especially those when you’re at a breaking point, in the midst of losing your faith, when you really fuh reals get tested and it’s matters beyond just whines or complaints but real baggages of bitterness, heartache, grieve, anger etc all that ugly stuff that really stands to tear your relationship with God / & people around you - apart. But once you break through, it’s really a whole new experience of God’s intimacy altogether. While i dont wish for difficult seasons for anyone at all, but i can like look back at a more challenging season in my life with a lingering feeling of how intimate the walk with God was - through the silence, “absence” pain and what not :P
and experiencing all the above with faith in knowing (from head knowledge) that God “never forsakes”, to truly knowing in your spirit that God is always with you & for you.
OH OH and final finally, “living on what’s left”, difficult seasons change people - for better, or worse. But if we rise above our situation and have broken through with God, we can know confidently that the by-product of those seasons will be intended by God for more in the next seasons of our lives. No matter how sad / pathetic it may seem, after all the ugly unravels :P or even with real life collaterals in the process i.e. loss of a loved one / job / limbs
/// and final final finally, a point im left with how the story kinda had an abrupt end to it. Like… “What’s next?” “She finds herself with extra jars..” I realise I’m into movies like this these days.. Where it’s just the journey.. and suddenly the phrase “there’s no endings, just journeys” means caught a new meaning today. This reminds me of a quote I used to find cringy i.e. “God answers by giving Himself”.
I learn again that sometimes, we don’t find the answer to what we go through. Sometimes, there’s no answer. Doesn’t mean it has no purpose. But just…
And then we gotta learn to have faith and live with what’s left in the best way possible; trusting that God loves us enough even in the season; and loves us so much that our season was intended to refine us; that's what's left is the best version of me for God to use no matter how broken; that He is delighted with us no matter our state; that He will keep using us to glorify Him - and that eventually, our answers will be found in Heaven. But in the meantime, He will suffice and be all. //
then we can finally learn that even when we feel empty, God‘s faithfulness will never run out.
"Love Like That: Bold
If you want to love like Jesus, you can’t shy away from what you know is right and true. You can’t remain silent just to go unnoticed. Loving like Jesus is not for the chickenhearted. It requires a fierce commitment to being authentic. It requires a bold commitment to being a truth-teller.
As I study the life of Jesus—how he loved others in practical ways—the most startling quality I find is authenticity. While often serene and peaceful, he didn’t shy away from showdowns. He corrected his disciples. He spoke his mind. No one accused him of being a pushover—or winsome. He was a straight shooter. He didn’t dance around what needed to be said—he said it. He made others feel uncomfortable, if necessary. He never allowed truth to take a back seat to politeness. He never backed down from confrontation. . . .
Not only did he correct false teachings on numerous occasions, he boldly silenced the chief priests, scribes, Pharisees, and Sadducees by putting them in their place with Scripture. He exposed their true motives. A self-seeking man boastfully promised to follow Jesus anywhere because he thought it would mean political or financial gain for him. Jesus corrected his wrong motives by telling him that he would be following a homeless Messiah. Jesus corrected Martha’s anxious heart by pointing to her sister sitting at his feet and listening to him. He basically said, “You should be more like your sister.” And while he had more tenderness and patience with his disciples, he sometimes rebuked and confronted their actions too.
In short, Jesus was the ultimate truth-teller. Courageous. Confident. Bold. He is a model for living authentically and honestly. . . .
Jesus didn’t speak the truth from a self-centered heart. He did it from within the context of pain for anyone who is missing the true message of God. His conviction was so powerful he couldn’t care less what others thought. His truth-telling came from deep and personal anguish for those who were hung up on superficiality, externals, and hypocrisy. He spoke truth to save them from themselves. He spoke truth from love.
When we separate love from truth-telling, we are trading genuineness for approval. We are trading boldness for cowardice. This creates a false and fleeting connection at best—about an inch deep. But when we risk rejection and get real, we begin to love more like Jesus."
- piece from Youversion Bible Plan, "Love Like That"
"Love Like That: Grace-Full
We seem to be on a cosmic quest to establish our value—to prove it, earn it, deserve it. And once we find what we’re looking for, we relax—but only momentarily. Eventually, the people we are pleasing—whether a parent, a spouse, a friend, an advisory board, or an audience—quit sending us love messages. Ultimately we find ourselves back on our endless quest. And that unfulfilling quest makes it nearly impossible to love like Jesus. Why? Because we can’t give grace to others when we aren’t receiving it ourselves. When we’re busy earning acceptance from God, we start to think everyone else should earn it too. Judgmentalism creeps in. Self-righteousness appears.
If you want to be a better grace-giver, you’ve got to continually and consciously receive the grace God gives you. “Whoever has been forgiven only a little,” Jesus said, “loves only a little.” The more grace we receive, the more love we give. When we aren’t cognizant of God’s unconditional acceptance in our own lives, we can’t give it to others. Judgmentalism sees to that.
Here’s the truth: God’s grace is received, not achieved. Grace does not depend on what we have done for God but rather what God has done for us. And continually receiving God’s grace—in the deepest and most central parts of our beings—is the only true and lasting remedy to ugly judgments and holier-than-thou attitudes. “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable,” said C. S. Lewis, “because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
Love is not the cause of grace. It’s the proof of it. When we are conscious of God’s grace in our own lives, we are automatically more loving and accepting of others. I’m not naive about our judgments. I don’t think it’s possible to live a life where we never judge anyone, ever. But once you embrace God’s grace, once you raise your consciousness around this gift you are continually given, you get immeasurably closer to loving like Jesus."
- piece from Youversion plan, "Love Like That"
"Oh ya.... Remember you said last time that you were..." *twirls finger in the air in the search of the right memory*
"You said you were the kuchi or something.. and that she is the partner and I'm the partner...." *twirling*
"You mean, when I said I was the peanut?"
"Ya! You said something to the effect that you're very small or insignificant..." *I could feel my tears build up*
"If you have a job, you gotta do your job. You gotta do your job well" (or smth like that)
"In a previous file, if we were to draft an affidavit (a great one), we wouldn't know where to start. But if the LA comes and points out to me several letters in the correspondence, the partner will take it to thoughts and think, 'Ah, that's a good point'. And then begins the crafting of affidavit. Without the LA's knowledge on the correspondence, we wouldn't know how to do (go about) it.
If your job is to maintain the correspondence, then do it! You gotta do your job!
So, don't you ever think you are insignificant! Everyone has a role to play."
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Been slacking in devotion this week, in spite of desperate needs.
Subliminally/subconsicously, I've been praying/hoping/desiring that God will encourage me. I dare note even verbalizing such request in my head, but merely lingering on a memory where my prayer for an encouragement with pure childlike uncomplicated faith was granted during Bar school, several times.
I didn't know how to cope, so I suppress.
Though I continued to carry such intense longing, I'd like to say at my posterior lobe (at the back of my head), if there was one *chuckles... I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. (Couldn't in italics because.. idk how true it is.)
After the short convo this morn, as I sat back in my chair, I wondered if this was the encouragement I'd been seeking for.
I will claim it, for all good things come from the Good Father. Thank you Lord, regardless, of what (i.e. i actually mean my lack of faith, or good sense, whichever).
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P.S. In my suppressing and coping this week, my frail heart turned to Grey's Anatomy in search for a remedy to my soul, or just a distraction maybe. I kinda buried myself in Grey's Anatomy (which I honestly think is my favourite and the best TV show, ever) after multiple futile attempts against it. Sheperd swoons me, every, time, I literally smile ear to ear, each time until I had to deliberately remember that this person while in the delivery of his charm is surrounded by cameras and cameramen all around. I'm in disbelief myself at the swooning. I find my true desire for a relationship reignited, upon shoving it away deliberately for a season. Watching GA at this season of my life brought much enlightenment and perspective - suddenly I relate to the rookies tryna make sense of their drilling work life, relationship, adulthood, family burdens, bills, competition.. Perhaps, i thought it a faithful companion while it (the episodes) lasted. No doubt it caused me to revisit the history of my pursuit of medicine. At one point, I wondered if I'd be better or if medicine actually was my thing since it's more objective than it is subjective - which is the substance of law, tbh, that I struggle most with.
BTW.
God called Jesus Christ to what seemed absolute disaster. And Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death, leading every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. His life was an absolute failure from every standpoint except God’s. But what seemed to be failure from man’s standpoint was a triumph from God’s standpoint, because God’s purpose is never the same as man’s purpose.
This bewildering call of God comes into our lives as well. The call of God can never be understood absolutely or explained externally; it is a call that can only be perceived and understood internally by our true inner-nature. The call of God is like the call of the sea—no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him. What God calls us to cannot be definitely stated, because His call is simply to be His friend to accomplish His own purposes. Our real test is in truly believing that God knows what He desires. The things that happen do not happen by chance—they happen entirely by the decree of God. God is sovereignly working out His own purposes.
If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are. As we grow in the Christian life, it becomes simpler to us, because we are less inclined to say, “I wonder why God allowed this or that?” And we begin to see that the compelling purpose of God lies behind everything in life, and that God is divinely shaping us into oneness with that purpose. A Christian is someone who trusts in the knowledge and the wisdom of God, not in his own abilities. If we have a purpose of our own, it destroys the simplicity and the calm, relaxed pace which should be characteristic of the children of God.
Taken from “My Utmost For His Highest”