Oh, Isaac, I'd spin you again & again & again if I could! :p
Oh Isaac & Isabelle, you both will grow up to be such influential people for His kingdom! So inspired by your loving family who are completely head over heels for God. Thanks Ps Kah Jin & Ps Sadie for dropping by & warming our hearts for a weekend :) So privileged to get to know your family, albeit just a little bit more. Praying only for God's best in your lives!! < 3
I participated in a homeless feeding initiative with church peeps last night. It was my very first time feeding the homeless. It was life transformational. Throughout the entire time, I was so engaged.. with I'm not even really sure what... I was caught in a daze even after I went home & decided to pen down my thoughts.
How is it possible that I in return am SO tremendously blessed ?
I had such a precious encounter in exchange, a fresh revelation of God's goodness & love so tangible that consumes me... I would never trade this for anything else...
UWE had a water cut last Wednesday. It was awkward when I wanted to brush up at 4.30a.m., & the next morning I received an email to say that the pipe burst somewhere around 3a.m. I really needed to brush my teeth, wash my face, do lots of things. It was awkward because I had just finished all my 5-6 bottles of water that night itself, I wasn't ready for a rainy day. As class ended that morning, we found out that there's a shower space in the same building where we attend classes. Shower there was so comfortable! Even more than those in the typical swimming pool/gyms shower rooms. The whole time I showered, I just kept thinking, "I'm so blessed, I'm so blessed, I'm so blessed!!!"
Since that morning, the reception had been offering water bottles to the residents affected. On my way back from shower that evening, we (me & D) came across trucks & people delivering & transporting water. Don't think they stopped working early as I still saw them around midnight. On my way to refill my water bottles later that night, as I neared one staff, he happily gave me 6 big bottles to bring home.
Next day, I went to class with a turbulent stomach, so I rushed to use the toilet in the building across. When my day had ended, the water's been restored & everything's back to normal. ;)
Random post this is, but I can't help thinking how blessed I am.
I appreciate their hard work, and how they're always readily available to help albeit it's just water shortage for less than 2 days. I appreciate the frequent update emails we received throughout the days too. I wish that more people in different parts of the world, who are suffering, will have their needs met satisfactorily one day, if not more, because you deserve the best as much as we do.
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Here's an even more random picture of the Tesco delivery driver speaking to Desmond, our kind friend, who volunteered to help us out with our groceries without asking questions at all. (You'll be able to spot his specs + prominent forehead if you look close enough) In this picture, the Tesco delivery driver was stressed & had difficulty driving to our doorstep. Our friend there volunteered to ride in with him to find the way although he wasn't sure himself.
Thank you for going the many extra miles to sort out our groceries that night, & thank you, for the friendship during all other times!
I am on a journey of fine-tuning, or sharpening rather, my senses in identifying God's presence in my life. As I journal today, I approach the pages with many burdens in my heart, part of it even bitterness as I grow frustrated in my walk with God where I impatiently wait for His power to unveil before my human eyes. My lack of patience has taken the better of me and brewed bitterness deep down in my heart. I realize this when I compelled myself to pen down my thoughts, and I realize I am repeating the same questions, burdens and issues as I already did before.
I also wrote about my Saturday spent in church where my heart was so full throughout, where I kept wanting more and I never wanted that day to end. (That day = the feeling, the presence rather...) As I continued on the details of my day/height of my emotions, the stark irony hit me - how was I to question/doubt His presence, when all I'm writing about is the manifestation of His presence?
In hindsight, after letting everything (my thoughts and my words) sink in for the past hour now, I realize the importance of reflection. Not just in a memory recording kind of way, but through pouring out purely before God. Each word, cry, bit of honesty is a step closer to reconciling heaven's perspective with my reality/circumstance.
I wrote this, "God, I need You to be more real in my life. I need to encounter You, I need to know it's You, I need to be able to recognize You with confidence. I do not want to go about my day, feeling all that I feel, shedding tears here and there, being awestruck and fascinated by the different snippets of my day, consumed in conversations that discuss cries of desperation for Your fresh touch, experiencing interactions that are heartfelt and warm my heart to its core, hearing Your community being a support to one another which blesses my heart.... I do not want to feel all this, yet still feel that the big question of Your reality in my heart unanswered."
After writing it down, it then hit me, God's presence has been manifesting ALL around me. God's presence is not just with me, in my heart where it tugs at the strings of my emotions, it manifests through conversations, through the tears in someone else's eyes as I ask, "Actually, have you accepted Christ before?" during a casual and "off-setting" conversation over refreshments, through the laughters and forehead creases as different ones discuss the dilemmas they face in their every other day over dinner, through the tears in someone else's eyes where I proclaim and declare the truth that "God loves you and wants to have a relationship with you" although I did not feel a certain"fire" in my bones that straight says GOD but mere excitement in my heart that was fighting to jump off my chest, through the passionate serving of others in His house, through people lifting their hands during worship as they immerse in the fullness of the "atmosphere", through the hugs and "how are you's?"...
I couldn't put two and two together because I was so stuck up in my thinking that God keeps leaving my questions unanswered. I was rigid and inflexible. I end up causing myself to be bitter... If only I would keep my heart open constantly and not be so stubborn with my own views. My head knows that God is good, but I had let my emotions get the better of me although I am fully aware of the falsehood of how emotions can become.
Jenn Johnson says that when we go about our days and we feel strongly about certain things in our hearts, or when we suddenly feel sad or burdened or we abruptly weep as we pass by a homeless person "without reason" during a fun and happy day, we ought to sit down and ask God, "What are You trying to say to me?"
Today, I wrote in my journal, "Father, why is it that I always feel these little nudges where my face turn'd constipated and I'd wanna cry, but when I get there (face constipated) my tear glands tease me, sometimes the tap opens and it flows, but sometimes the nudge just ends awkwardly and idk how to feel. But then it'd come back again after a while, and the cycle'd repeat itself."
"Why is it that I'd sometimes feel so strongly towards different things throughout my day, yet it's not like a build-up to where I receive a grand revelation from You in relation to those moments; then sometimes it'd feel like the thoughts that come with the emotions are left hanging as they're put to a pause & I continue with my day & they fade away into my day... But then some days it'd come back, or my tear glands go all icky again every now and then... It's as if it's a normal part of life which I'd come to accept."
I feel God saying that, when I react (consciously or subconsciously) to things around me, that's His heart beating in mine, and I have been feeling fragments of His emotions towards things around me, towards people whom He so loves...
My head may not understand it, but that is Him breaking my heart for what breaks His... That's me seeing the world through His eyes, feeling what He feels, catching a glimpse of His heart each time.
*Here are some videos which are very close to my heart. I first heard of "Adventure with the Holy Spirit" some years back, with Jenn's personality and her story of practising with the HS standing out in my memory. Recently, it's been ringing in my head, I'm so glad I looked it up again to include it here.
I was so glad when the first video ended and this second video was the suggested video. Its headline aptly reflects something I've been desiring to hear and learn more about. I am also tremendously blessed by it.
This song captivated my the first time I heard it. Let this song be my prayer...
A while back, I got together with a friend over coffee. We were working on a project, and I noticed we weren’t on the same page. We were going to meet for one hour. We spent the first 45 minutes talking about sports and other trivial things. Just as I was about to bring up the issue I had asked us to get together about, my friend announced that he had to leave early. We had coffee and accomplished nothing. Even though I had an agenda, we wasted time talking about nothing significant, and I missed an opportunity.
This is what normal conversation looks like for a lot of people. We all do this at different times. Think about the number of times you’ve gotten together with a friend and spent several minutes or even a whole conversation talking about the weather.
A lot changed for me when I began dating the girl whom I am now married to. Right off the bat, she asked deep, intentional questions. With my wife, there is no such thing as a shallow or surface level conversation. At first, this felt very awkward and outside of my comfort zone. But having tasted the benefits of having meaningful conversations, and I don’t want to settle for anything less!
The Bible give us a few things to consider as we engage in everyday conversations, which I’ve found helpful.
1. Be wise
In Colossians 4:5, Paul says, “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.” Paul sees everyday conversations as opportunities to represent Jesus. He reminds us that we can stand out and represent God well in every text, email, post on social media, and face to face meeting. In a world that fills our time with conversations about the weather, let’s try to go deeper and talk about matters of the heart.
Paul starts his advice with the words “be wise”. Wisdom is the ability to apply our knowledge and understanding of God’s ways and will to our thoughts and actions. It is one of the main themes in the Bible, and it’s something we can pray for (James 1:5). When given the opportunity to ask God for anything, Solomon asked for wisdom. God loved that Solomon asked for wisdom so much that He also gave Solomon everything else that he could have wanted (1 Kings 2:7-15).
When we bring wisdom to our conversations, we bring purpose and meaning. We can glorify God. This will help us avoid missing opportunities.
2. Be bold
Making the most of every opportunity to minister with our words takes wisdom—and boldness.
Peter in the Bible is both an example of someone with boldness, as well as someone who lacks boldness. When Peter denied Jesus three times, he was probably the poorest example of boldness (Luke 22).
But months later, we see the same person on the opening day of the church in Acts 2, and something is different about him. Here, Peter preaches boldly to 3,000 people and they are all added to the early church. Boldness was given to Peter when the gift of the Holy Spirit was poured out at Pentecost, and it created such a stark difference! Where Peter once lacked boldness, he was now filled with it.
Like Peter, we can either approach conversations on our own (with fear) or with God (in faith). We can speak either out of our own insecurities, or our God-given confidence. In our own lives, boldness can take the shape of being willing to initiate, asking great questions, and leading deep conversations.
We don’t need to wait for someone else to start meaningful conversation. We are called to lead the way by initiating. Pick up the phone. Schedule the coffee appointment or meeting. Have someone over in your office or living room. We can ask open-ended questions instead of closed-ended questions, such as, “What was the highlight of your weekend?” instead of “Did you have a good weekend?”
Being bold can lead us to deep conversations that truly matter. How many more times do we want to pause and say, “Well, it’s a nice day outside.” Why not ask the person we’re speaking with, “How’s it going inside your soul?” Let’s push beyond talking about the weather and get to the crux of the matter.
3. Be attentive and encouraging
All throughout the Bible, we are encouraged to “listen” more than we speak, whether it’s listening to God’s word (James 1:19), listening to good counsel (Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 5:1-23), or just listening to others in general.
Perhaps the most underrated component of our conversations is the ability to listen. Yet, studies show that much of communication is non-verbal. When we listen, nod, lean forward, smile and put away our cell phones, these small actions demonstrate that the person we are listening to is important!
After listening, we can reply with words that build up. One of my favorite things to do is to encourage other people. I don’t mind being encouraged, either! Who doesn’t? We hold incredible power in our mouths—the power of life and death (See Proverbs 18:21).
Ephesians 4:29 is one of my favorite verses: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” We aren’t merely called to make people feel good, but to meet their needs. We can do this by really listening, and using our words wisely.
4. Be willing to have crucial conversations
It’s natural for humans everywhere to put off hard conversations. We might find it awkward or unnatural to talk about purity and accountability, or we might find it difficult to ask for help, when in reality, we’re struggling at work. But the benefits of having a tough talk outweigh the consequences of avoiding them.
I remember when I first started dating my wife. I was too nervous to talk about my feelings for fear of being misunderstood, being hurt, or being rejected. It was not easy sharing my hopes, dreams and feelings with her. But I’m so glad I took that step! Having difficult conversations are so worth it when someone accepts you and how you feel. I now have a meaningful relationship with her and we talk about anything and everything.
The decision is ours. Are you willing to step out of the land of familiar into a life with rewarding, riveting, and stimulating conversation?
When we are willing to be wise, bold, attentive, encouraging and have crucial conversations, we will discover the joy on the other side of the comfort zone!
Saturdays are church (sacred) days! :D It'd be the happiest day I look forward to every week, my literal sanctuary. Somedays, my ecstasy would be obscured by clouds of preoccupation as I prepare to chair.. which is a step to challenge my faith, as I desire to deliver my best in my most genuine self and faith... As I stand in front encouraging people about faith and God, I'd like my excitement to find its foundation in real experiences rather than pretense; I'd like my words to carry weight, truth and life instead of being based on habit or practice.
Saturdays are heartbreakers. The fantasy I'm induced into for that 5 hours or so makes it hard for me to say goodbye at the end of the night. Most days, I feel so out of touch from reality in that sweet span of 5 hours. Some days, I give myself a reality check during dinner time already so that my heart is not taken aback when it's time to go and things get hazy as my heart seeks to catch up with my mind/reality. It's always a hunch though, when I deliberately pop my bubble during dinner.
Last Saturday was probably my first time slightly 'dreading' to get out bed, to my own surprise! I had a sore throat, felt feverish, tired, head was slightly spinning. I was actually tempted to stay in and get some rest, have some me time. But circumstantially, it wasn't possible cuz I was set to chair and there'd be no replacement. Funny though, as I lied on my bed during the time I was supposed to frantically get ready, "Shouldn't you proclaim healing in Jesus name?," it felt oxymoronic as it's such a basic solution and one of the most common themes of testimony - hearing people receive healing when they deny the weakness of their flesh to continue serving. Most testimonies like that end with serving seamlessly, their illness fleeing their body, especially during serving that sometimes, they don't even remember.
The most human side of me felt like demarcating the line between the spiritual and physical. I prayed a quick and simple prayer anyway. Got up, and went to church. I waited out in the cold, felt like the wind was blowing me down, I wondered how was I to chair with a throat that sore. I intended to spend some quiet time on the bus en route to church, but I bumped into a friend & I was glad I had the opportunity to get to know her more. I had been hoping for such an opportunity since the course started in October, hoping that we'd grow from acquaintance to friends. I was pleasantly surprised to find that our minds are quite alike in some ways relating to things we hold dear in our hearts - as we discussed our families.
Anyway, long story short, service went really well. My pre-notion of returning home immediately after service was not fulfilled, I ended up staying till even the last of desserts. I got home, changed/showered & crashed immediately as I then felt sick again.
Throughout service, my unwell-ness fled & I forgot about it. I felt good as new. And bless my heart, I received many unexpected encouragements that were much needed and had many positive conversations with different ones around me. Met some new people, had good conversations, were encourage by others' living of their faiths, exchanged many warm hugs, cracked out like mad during dinner - I went home with a full heart.
Most of all, I was at peace as I experienced the healing power of God through my bones. It's always so affectionate to experience God so intimately... it's something I've been needing for a while, as I am on the search for a breakthrough in my life.
God, You are good! Thank you for not letting me decide to stop attending church. Despite my lack of faith, I came home with an increased faith because You are real, You are good.
An irony, isn't it? Might have not proclaimed God's power because of lack of faith, but obedience takes you a long way, & God knows exactly what I needed & He increased my faith by showing up. I was so close to failing the test.
// For with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
So shall I proclaim the same power for my BPTC course.